moisten manapkin

textures

2009-07-02T15:04:00.002-04:00

i just realized about 3 weeks ago that i now like peaches. they're delicious. i used to like peach-flavored things, but the texture weirded me out, somehow....unless it was in a cobbler. but while pureeing henry some fresh peaches, i decided to take a bite to see how ripe/soft it was -- and yep, they're delicious. texture doesn't bother me at all.

this is why i have been fooled into trying olives on several occasions, thinking maybe somehow my tastes have changed, and those horrifying little bastards are now, SOMEHOW, delicious, as well. nope. they are as wretched as ever.

and dried apricots will always remind me of how it must feel to bite through the flesh of someone's toe or finger. ...in a good way, i mean. ...

stacey bode does it again

2009-06-16T21:21:00.004-04:00

stacey, henry and i went swimming at the grant park pool last week. henry loved it. please go HERE to go see more pics stacey took that day! ...and also to look at the rest of her awesome website...!

Cody Rivers Show at Dad's Garage tonight

2009-05-09T09:28:00.002-04:00

i highly recommend.
these guys are touring their show, they're here from Washington state.

www.dadsgarage.com
8pm

looks to only be $10?

Goodbye Dom Deluise

2009-05-06T14:20:00.002-04:00

you funny, fat, gay son of a bitch.

i could watch bloopers of you for hours.

*tip of the hat*

This is actually a thing

2009-05-04T12:11:00.002-04:00

"Nu-Nuts are artificial nuts that really are peanuts that have been deflavored and reflavored with a nut like pecan or walnut."

SUBWAY

2009-05-01T13:15:00.003-04:00

is taking what was a fairly catchy song, and grinding it into the ground, and i'm afraid using it to bury Jared underneath that ground.

Where's Jared?!

Squidbillies Vol. 2 DVD out now!

2009-04-22T12:55:00.003-04:00

I didn't even know.

thanks to Babydeathtrap.com for pointing it out!

Here's a review , fyi.
"At one point during his younger days, Early had a thirty-two second sexual relationship with a mammoth woman named Krystal (voiced by Mary Kraft) that lead to the birth of Rusty Cuyler (voiced by Daniel McDevitt)."

"Sit Down, Shut Up" (2009) Wha-HUH?!

2009-04-19T21:10:00.003-04:00

i'm really out of the loop.

I caught the last 2 minutes of this pilot tonight, and it was funny.

It's a Mitchell Hurwitz project!

The cast looks almost the same as Arrested Development, with the addition of Will Forte, Tom Kenny, and Cheri Oteri among others.

Henry Winkler's character is named Willard Deutschebog.

very exciting.
BUT---i've been watching more tv lately than i'd like to admit, and i've heard NOTHING about this.
so i hope other people did. and that i get a chance to see more of it.
Tune in next sunday.

Trust Us, This Is All Made Up

2009-04-18T20:38:00.002-04:00

I haven't seen this, but i am going to highly recommend it.

Run time of only 83 minutes.

TJ and Dave. Dan's seen them at an improv festival, and said their long-form improv was very very entertaining, charming, smart, different, but real.
Dan will be introducing the film, i think, on Monday night.

You may recognize TJ from the Sonic commercials, and you may recognize Dave as "Stew the Meat Man" from Strangers with Candy. !! "What's your beef, Stew?"

Comment on Billy Bob Thornton video

2009-04-10T09:59:00.005-04:00

my friend dlp said, in regards to the Boxmasters interview:
I wish the DJ would have said "hahahaha, yeah, you're Tom Petty and I'm Wolfman Jack...but seriously, when is your next movie coming out?"

another comment by someone else:
"He can't bring his drums at 6AM, but he does have time to put on his toupe."

Free John Deere Hat!

2009-04-05T20:17:00.002-04:00

i was pretty excited about this.

Here's the link to the link.

will it be this one?

or this one?

or this one?

widdi pointed me towards this free sample-a-day site!

dis guy's feet

2009-03-16T22:04:00.004-04:00

the other night, dan had a fake moustache stuck to the bottom of his shoe.

thankfully....

i just couldn't make my brain tell me what it might be and couldn't put together that it was a fake moustache for several moments even after it was in my hand.

great gift ideas! and you can support local artists

2009-03-15T14:10:00.004-04:00

Anne makes these incredible books and photo albums. she also makes these awesome freehand initial cutouts for your walls. the one below she made for Henry! It's a gorgeous red. buy one or more from her. any of these are great to have for yourself, or they make awesome gifts. i own a couple books, and bought some for hosts of a baby shower.

not sure her etsy page is up and happening, so contact her through the blog if you want to order something from her.

another great idea is jewelry from Julie Geer Kennedy, who lives and works in athens, ga.
Subterranean Jewelry.

Made of clay, and hand-fired (is that the term i'm looking for??). i own an awesome necklace, and bought some for the hosts of a baby shower. they're super cute. and affordable!! Her etsy's here!

too much!!

2009-03-06T15:04:00.003-05:00

off the charts with the cuteness.
...
if he only knew how much money i'd pay him just to sleep. that's a good gig, even in financially good times, much less now, when people are getting laid off right and left.

refill!

2009-03-06T15:00:00.002-05:00

krystal's ultimate man?

gas bill??

2009-02-27T13:19:00.000-05:00

is everyone's gas bill as terribly high as our's?

just wondering.

CUSTOM, embellished SNUGGIES!

2009-02-07T22:02:00.001-05:00

via my friend gayle:

Snuggies just got shittier....

the neighborhood

2009-02-04T13:56:00.004-05:00

A guy raking/bagging at the house next door, a couple months ago, offered to do our front yard for $20. Dan took him up on it. Pretty good deal, except that it took him all day --he hems and haws, talks to himself, pees in the bushes, and is generally what you'd kind of call "a little crazy."

what he didn't finish, he finished at 7am the next morning...i know this b/c i was up with the baby, and was like---OH GOD! when i saw him outside the front window. He was working, but it was still shocking...and i had to relocate the nursing session....

He was back next door a few days ago, and told dan, "i'll do the yard for $30."

There are less leaves now, and the price has gone up $10....

Dan reminded him it was $20 last time, to which the guy said, "$30."
Dan countered with "$25."
The guy muttered "come on, man."
Dan held firm, and the guy, of course, agreed.
He really does look like he needs the money. He doesn't look so good in the health area.
Dan pays him up-front, same as last time.

He hemmed and hawed, again, raking a few leaves here and there.

It started to sprinkle. Dan told him he's welcome to come back tomorrow b/c of the rain.

"Nah, man, i'm good."

Making a pile here, bagging a pile there.
Walking a big circle around the lawn.
Talking. To himself.
Throwing the rake down in disgust, it seemed-- Several times.
Picking it up, continuing.
Drinking a Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull, crushing the can and leaving it in the driveway...
(follow that link---now THAT'S a commercial!)

He did this for I'd say 4 hours. Maybe 5.

Then all of a sudden he was gone.

Very little actual yard work, actually done.

He never came back.

Until today. 3 days later. A woman drove him here, i guess. And she waited for him while he raked/bagged. In the cold. And he finished it all up in like an hour.

I don't get it.

Damages on FX

2009-01-18T22:49:00.003-05:00

Wednesdays at 10pm.

The previews look good.
The cast is pretty unbelievable.

anyone seen this and have an opinion?

Cutest ever little junkyard puppies need homes! Lots of them! Look at pictures!

2009-01-06T13:33:00.003-05:00

I know that's a lot of exclamation points, but...seriously, look at the pics, and pls. respond if your home could use a new little life.

Note from a friend:

Hello everyone! I hope everyone is have a wonderful new year!

>>>
Again, I really need everyone's help concerning the junkyard dog
situation. Sugar, the dog I am fostering from the junkyard, gave
birth to 9 puppies. These puppies 5 weeks old and will be adoptable
in one week. They are precious, precious puppies- so cute and full of
life. They have no clue that they came from a junkyard. All they
want it to play and be held by someone.

For those of you who do not know the story, Sugar was one of many dogs
living in horrible conditions at a junkyard. These dogs were being
severely neglected and abused. Through the donations and help of many
wonderful people, I was able to remove these dogs from this situation.
These puppies are very lucky. Unlike their mom, they will never know
what it is like to live in such dire conditions.

Please help me place these precious puppies in forever, loving homes.
They should be between 30 and 40 lbs. when full grown. View this
website for additional pics. http://photosbypeggy.com/puppies.sw f
>>>>
Note from me: The girl who rescued them is Lauren. Lauren's email is lmchnight1@gmail.com. These babies and their Mom need your help.

here's something i just thought of

2009-01-05T14:07:00.004-05:00

meat bananas.

i won't even explain what i think this is, or looks like. let's leave that nebulous.

grossest fantasy food ever?

better ones?

i await your ideas.

here, or on facebook.

oh dear. i just googled meat banana.

and there's an urban dictionary definition....

so now i need to explain why i thought of this--was making a grocery list, and just accidentally typed those two items, without a comma.

as innocent as that.

ok.

Ever since the premiere of the A&E show, Intervention...

2009-01-03T14:29:00.002-05:00

Do any of us really have any interesting, sad, frightening, entertaining, or "hilarious" drinking or drug stories? Personal, or witnessed?
If we think we do, and we want to tell them, we sure better put some english on them, cuz that show is pretty hard to beat.

someone's activities as listed on facebook:

2009-01-02T13:47:00.002-05:00

working out, riding four wheelers and making money.

not sure if this is the same guy, but it's the same NAME as a guy who i've always appreciated throughout my life, because he asked me to dance in -- 7th grade? maybe 8th grade? I've always viewed that as a favor he did for me or something. isn't that weird? ...some kinda self-esteem a young mary kraft had....

i realize i open myself to ridicule by saying i've never heard of fail blog

2008-12-28T19:06:00.001-05:00

see more pwn and owned pictures

via bo-d

fail blog?

2008-12-28T17:49:00.001-05:00

never heard of this before stacey bode sent me something from here.

see more pwn and owned picture

best part of waking up...

2008-12-28T11:58:00.002-05:00

yesterday morning, i took me and my baby to meet up with a few film folk at a coffee shop. As i hurriedly gathered up my belongings, and all the baby accessories required to take a baby out of one's home, i thought, "i better drink that water there."

See, everyone needs water, lots of it. But when you're nursing, you can literally feel it being drained out of your membranes and tissue. So, obviously, you need LOTS of water. And i have numerous cups and glasses around the house with water in them. So, i grabbed this glass on the coffee table, and downed the last of the water.

Sometimes? Water tastes like the un-drunk, last sips of an 8 hour old, room-temp vodka tonic that Dan made the night before. Water's funny that way. Really funny.

"MY RECENT DOCUMENTS"

2008-12-24T15:56:00.002-05:00

"Georgia Snowballs" (.doc)
"Giant Belch" (.mp3)!!
"Mary Dan Henry" (.jpg)
"Mushroom Turkey Tetrazzini" (.doc)
"Puffy Paint Christmas Around the World" (.doc)
"Puffy Paint 2004" (.doc)
"Dede Granger Original" (.doc)
"Sausage Stuffing" (.doc)
"Less Ovaltine Please" (.jpg)

i almost wish i'd named my baby Invention

2008-12-20T13:07:00.004-05:00

Then legally changed my name to Necessity.

worth it? some might say no. i would have to agree.

easy charity

2008-12-10T21:59:00.002-05:00

GoodSearch.com is a new Yahoo-powered search engine that donates half its advertising revenue, about a penny per search, to the charities its users designate. Use it just as you would any search engine, get quality search results from Yahoo, and watch the donations add up!

GoodShop.com is a new online shopping mall which donates up to 37 percent of each purchase to your favorite cause! Hundreds of great stores including Amazon, Target, Gap, Best Buy, ebay, Macy's and Barnes & Noble have teamed up with GoodShop and every time you place an order, you’ll be supporting your favorite cause.

Just go to www.goodsearch.com and be sure to enter Noah's Ark Animal Rehabilitation as the charity you want to support. (or whatever charity you want) And, be sure to spread the word - tell a friend and forward this email to anyone you know who loves children and animals!

If you go to "Make GoodSearch your homepage" and follow the easy directions, each time you go to the Internet to search, you'll automatically be using Good Search to conduct your search and will support Noah's Ark. The ASPCA earned $22,000 because their friends used Good Search, and others have earned from $1,500 to $10,000 - all at a penny a search!

then later in the morning...

2008-12-07T18:12:00.001-05:00

...i made up a pretty awesome song while trying to sing henry to sleep about Sasquatch going to the store for us, but going to A&P, which was further, rather than going to the Ingles, which was closer. there was a whole verse about why he wouldn't go to the Ingles, i wondered if something happened there to offend him, or if he just thought the produce was better. he went the extra mile for us. literally. to the A&P.

i could really use some sleep.
i should really be sleeping right now.

early early this morning, i got a little irritated at my cat...

2008-12-07T18:07:00.003-05:00

...because he was NOT paying attention to me.
"gilbert. gil-gil. gil! gilbert. gilbert! I'm trying to ask you a question."
i said this, then i laughed. not for the obvious reason(s), but because i already knew his answer to the question.

"i was going to ask you if my baby could ride you up and down the hall like in a rodeo."

i said this, then i laughed. but this time for the right reason. that all of this was so ludicrous. AND because i knew gilbert would not allow this to happen.

i need some sleep.

2 weeks and 3 days ago...

2008-12-06T18:10:00.001-05:00

i almost stuck my nipple inside a semi-frozen raspberry for relief.

almost.

if i did that now, it would be for pure entertainment.

Henry Wright Triandiflou

2008-11-21T23:48:00.012-05:00

ONCE AGAIN, the unbelievable Stacey Bode!!

No wonder i've always had a crush on peter sellers!

2008-11-16T16:48:00.004-05:00

watched Shot in the Dark last night, and he looks JUST like dan, but dan has better teeth.

It's always sunny in philade--aaeieiiiibblrrrp

2008-11-15T15:42:00.003-05:00

I haven't watched this show extensively, but lately i've had some time on my hands, waiting for a little something to happen, and heard that the show had episodes on comcast on demand, so i decided to watch. i've watched it before and laughed, but remembered that usually i didn't like necessarily the whole episode, but found it funny.
yeah, from what i've been watching, it seems that the episodes on the whole i'm not comPLETELY crazy about, possibly b/c i'm not crazy about 2 of the cast choices, one moreso than the other. but there's usually at least one thing in an episode that makes me laugh really hard. at LEAST. even just one weird line or delivery. really laugh.
This is one of those things. God i was crying. Her ARMS! and please note the "Jesus Christ!" from the audience.

only thing i think would've made it funnier is if the heaving at the end was either HER from the audience instead of him (they do a nice job of adding subtle touches in the show) or if her's followed his, sympathetically. but now i'm getting picky. what can i say, i'm a script-puncher-upper.

Invasion Christmas Carol! at Dad's Garage

2008-11-14T20:37:00.004-05:00

Go see it if you get a chance.
most people reading this know the dealio, but an improv ensemble has a somewhat scripted version of cchristmas carol in their head, mapped out on stage.
HOWEVER, each show, a new Invader-- from another time and place not consistent with the story or time period or anything really--crashes the story, and the improvisors have to make sense of it and carry on best they can, justifying what the invader brings to the table.

well, this picture would've explained it just fine.

you should come see it.

my baby daddy is directing it.

Dad's Garage Theater for more information and tickets and reservations and what not!

Plasma Plants Vaporize Trash While Creating Energy:

2008-11-13T18:58:00.002-05:00

wow. via my friend Richard.

"Recently St. Lucie County in Florida announced that it has teamed up with Geoplasma to develop the United States' first plasma gasification plant. The plant will use super-hot 10,000 degree Fahrenheit plasma to effectively vaporize 1,500 tons of trash each day, which in turn spins turbines to generate 60MW of electricity — enough to power 50,000 homes!"
...
Plasma Gasification plants generate much less emissions than standard waste incineration plants, and also cuts down on landfills, which are the US’s largest human caused producer of methane gas.

way to turn a day upside down, garrison keillor

2008-11-06T22:40:00.003-05:00

leaving my weekly doctor's appointment today, i heard The Writer's Almanac on NPR. The poem today was called "Lucky." i listened. oh man.

Lucky

by Tony Hoagland

If you are lucky in this life,
you will get to help your enemy
the way I got to help my mother
when she was weakened past the point of saying no.

Into the big enamel tub
half-filled with water
which I had made just right,
I lowered the childish skeleton
she had become.

Her eyelids fluttered as I soaped and rinsed
her belly and her chest,
the sorry ruin of her flanks
and the frayed gray cloud
between her legs.

Some nights, sitting by her bed
book open in my lap
while I listened to the air
move thickly in and out of her dark lungs,
my mind filled up with praise
as lush as music,

amazed at the symmetry and luck
that would offer me the chance to pay
my heavy debt of punishment and love
with love and punishment.

And once I held her dripping wet
in the uncomfortable air
between the wheelchair and the tub,
and she begged me like a child

to stop,
an act of cruelty which we both understood
was the ancient irresistible rejoicing
of power over weakness.

If you are lucky in this life,
you will get to raise the spoon
of pristine, frosty ice cream
to the trusting creature mouth
of your old enemy

because the tastebuds at least are not broken
because there is a bond between you
and sweet is sweet in any language.

"Lucky" by Tony Hoagland from Donkey Gospel. © Graywolf Press, 1998. Reprinted with permission. (buy now)

respite: Newborn Ends Up in Pa. Woman's Pant Leg

2008-11-05T14:30:00.000-05:00

i am REPOSTING this CRAZY post since it's slightly more relevant now. Hopefully not too relevant.

thanks to wid:

CONNELLSVILLE, Pa. — A woman gave birth to a boy outside
a western  Pennsylvania hospital — a delivery that happened
so quickly that the newborn wound up in his mother's
sweatpants.

"It happened so fast," Rebecca Johnson, 24, told the Daily
Courier in Connellsville. "I didn't know what happened until
he was in my pant leg."

Johnson had just gotten out of the car at Highlands Hospital in
Connellsville and was still in the parking lot when her 5-pound,
15-ounce son, Mason Matthew Parkinson, arrived Wednesday.

An emergency room physician cut the umbilical cord in the parking
lot, and doctors attended to Johnson until she could be taken to
Uniontown Hospital, which has a maternity unit.

Mason, Johnson's fourth child, was doing well.

Actor, Tony Larkin, at the Doug Dank Project TONIGHT! $5!

2008-11-05T10:52:00.001-05:00

i don't have a bio for tony, and i don't know him TOO well, but what me know, me likey.

he's a great actor, he's a great musician, (he's even played guitar alongside the doug dank improvisors before in a show), and he's super nice.

oh... and his uncle is - ahem - Tony Shalhoub.

soooo, he may have some really interesting stories stemming from all of the above!!

i think it's kinda funny that this is the only picture i could find of him (brief search)
PushPush Theater tonight (Wednesday)
10pm
$5
be there!
~mk

every time i'm at target

2008-11-04T09:03:00.003-05:00

i am compelled to stop and look at the tiny sample versions of the camping equipment.

i can not be the only one.

tiny tents?!

miniscule sleeping bags?

who's camping alone THAT small?!

COME ON!

I'd love to steal them for my cats.

Or my baby.

i wonder if they'd sell them?

see, that's more like a doll setting i could've gotten into as a kid.
(i see they had a camping barbie in 2001). but that's still too ... pink.

I use a p.c.

2008-11-03T21:19:00.003-05:00

and JEEEEEESus do i hate the "I'm a P.C." ads.

i ESPECIALLY hate the newer 'regular people' sending in their own "i'm a p.c. and...." versions.

it's very myspace.

and it makes me feel anger.

If you haven't already voted.....

2008-11-03T00:17:00.003-05:00

(this was an email from dan's sister, amy, but i am fully behind her research, too)
KEISHA LANCE BOTTOMS is running for Fulton County Superior Court Judge (vs. Judge Bedford) and I'm asking you to support her on Tuesday.

Please visit her web site to learn more: www.keishalancebottoms.com

She is running against incumbent Judge T. Jackson Bedford. Change is needed. Judge Bedford has an unacceptable record as a judge. The following two news articles help explain Judge Bedford. The first, by Bob Barr (the former Congressman and current presidential candidate), is about Judge Bedford's decision to handcuff Fulton County District Attorney Paul Howard and detain him in a holding cell. The second is a Creative Loafing article about Judge Bedford's decision to set a low bail for the person accused of murdering a man walking a dog in Little Five Points.

1. Bob Barr article:
http://nowcobbblog.blogspot.com/2006/04/wheres-jqc-when-ya-need-them.html

2. Creative Loafing article:
http://blogs.creativeloafing.com/freshloaf/2007/12/19/accused-l5p-killer-granted-bail/

My draw to this election involves the ABG parking deck. Judge Bedford decided that FOPP should pay a portion of the ABG's legal fees in a recent court case. This sends a message to citizen groups that speaking up against public issues could cost you handsomely.

Help make a change for the better in this election by voting for Keisha Lance Bottoms for Fulton County Superior Court judge.

there's something reassuring in this

2008-11-01T11:10:00.010-04:00

At midnight, after being gone all night, there was still one Reese's left in the SELF-SERVE candy bowl outside the new East Atlanta homestead. What?! Maybe it was because on the note i put "Please" and "Take only one or two" showing my generosity, and "Have Fun." All in a slightly jittery --representing "scary" -- writing style.
Yeah. I like to think that.

And here are some pumpkins carved by people i know. in this first picture, the taller, slightly leaning one is supposed to be Rocky Dennis.

NC video on The A.V. Club.

2008-10-30T16:10:00.004-04:00

we finally made it onto The Onion's A.V. Club.
sort of.

shit, i'll take it.

well, there was the horrible review of the Squidbillies' season finale, revolving around my character, that the guy HATED and was disgusted by.
but this...this feels real.

...real self-indulgent, self-important and self-promotional....

Get Out The Vote! North Carolina, we're looking at you...

2008-10-29T10:46:00.007-04:00

proposing as good of a reason as any to vote -- if only to cancel out the stupid people around you.

you'll recognize some atlanta locals in this video that will be played somewhere for north carolinians. in the meantime, enjoy on facebook, youtube, and soon on funnyordie.com and adultswim.com hopefully.

something my baby can be proud of!

by Aqua Teen's and Squidbillie's Dave Willis and Daily Show/TV Funhouse's Scott Jacobson.

Creative Loafing's Andisheh Nouraee at the Doug Dank Project

2008-10-28T21:28:00.003-04:00

If you've ever met him, you know he's a super great guy, AND a great
writer. Let's see what kind of stories he's got to share! Improv
based on real life stories. PushPush Theater, Wednesday at 10pm. $5~

Andisheh Nouraee has been a data entry clerk at health insurance
company, a door-to-door vinyl siding and window sales appointment
scheduler, an all-around helper at a property tax consulting firm, a
receptionist, a furniture chain-store cashier help-desk operator, a
commercial real estate public relations agent, a wedding photographer,
an Arthritis Foundation brochure mailer, a television theme-song
singer, a radio-talk show co-host, a Brazilian beauty pagaent judge
(non-paying), and a drum machine programmer.

Since 2000, he has been a freelance writer and photographer. It's
going well so far.

He is Creative Loafing's 2002, 2003, 2004 & 2005 Readers' Pick for
Best Columnist in Atlanta.

He was a finalist for the Society of Professional Journalists' 2004
Green Eyeshade Excellence in Journalism Award. His Don't Panic column,
a comedic and informative weekly look at U.S. foreign policy and world
affairs, appears in several newspapers around the country and is
syndicated online by AltWeeklies.com.

He has a credit score in the 700s.

oh god, i found more "what if's"

2008-10-27T22:40:00.002-04:00

oh man, and these were the funnier of them....

What if there was a hissing sound coming from the engine of your car that you described to your mechanic as "angry hornets stinging the head of an angry cobra," and he opened your hood and it really was angry hornets stinging the head of an angry cobra."
What if it turned out to actually be fairly complacent flies on the head of a garden snake? I guess it wouldn't be as scary, but man, it would be so much weirder

What if your brother was a mime, your sister was a ventriloquist, your parents were midgets, yet--surprisingly--you turned out normal? Well, except for your 6 inch torso and webbed feet.

What if Olivia Newton John were to marry Elton John? I guess her married name would be --- Mrs. Elton John.

What if news anchors just started opening their newscasts by leaning in towards the camera with, "Listen to this crap!" (note: personally, i like this one. and it's kinda what the Daily Show does, now, in a way. i was ahead of my time)

What if you wore a black eye patch to your next job interview? I don't think they would hire you. and i think that is wrong.

Even sadder? they'll think even less of you if you wear it with a navy or brown suit.

What if you're on a blind date with this REALLY, really ugly, quiet, weird guy and in the middle of dinner he coughs up a great big hair ball? You're grossed out, but then, you suddenly realize he is actually a great big cat? He probably doesn't look quite so bad now, huh?

What if pirahnas evolve into footed creatures? Am I the only one worried to TEARS about this?

What if a hawk ate a snake, that just ate a dead rat, that just ate a roach that just ate some leftover cake? I bet meal was more than he bargained for. What if the hawk then threw up? He must've been allergic to something in the cake (gluten or lactose intolerance, probably) and there's just no predicting something like that, I don't care how long you've been a predator.

What if you had a tattoo of a person's face on your back or arm and you went to the beach, and just the nose of the tattoo got sunburnt and peeled?

What if you or someone in your immediate family had invented "The Wave," you know, that everyone does at sporting events? Just think about how rich you would be!

What if you had a REALLY, really bad hangover, and after like 5 days, it finally started to ease up, and even those things that everybody said looked like chicken pox started to go away?

i think if i submitted a "This I Believe" essay to NPR...

2008-10-26T16:00:00.001-04:00

...it would probably just revolve mostly around how i believe that pecans can make anything taste better, i don't completely trust people who don't like coconut, and that liking olives is a character flaw.

and something tells me that wouldn't get published.

Searching: A series; Walmart: "Chimenea"

2008-10-26T14:46:00.006-04:00

Walmart: 0 results found for "chimenea" in Baby.

Me: Oops, forgot i was in the "Baby" section. Guess that's pretty reassuring, though, that there aren't any chimeneas in the "Baby" section.

Walmart: ...Did you mean "chimney"?

Me: AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiigggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!

some google results worth mentioning

2008-10-26T13:51:00.005-04:00

just some of the ways people land on this site:

"non-psychopath"

"farmer's market" "animal souls" - this one i actually know who and why.

"getting grease trap smell off boots"

"description of a jock"

"naked fear"

(this one JUST in) "mel sharples" (YEAH! )

another 4 f-ing "Applebee's Tavern Chips."

"Manapkin"

"Danksgiving"

"John Benzinger"

"blut im schtulgang " -- which, for the curious, is a way of saying in German, "I have blood in my stool" It's one of about 3 phrases that i know. along with "Ich habe Schwein gehabt," and "gehen Sie unter und geben Sie mir ein Bier"

Search by Key Word or Item #: chiminea

2008-10-26T13:08:00.011-04:00

chimenea ?

...yeah.

sorry, ...Troy?

Frank.

Terry? ahh, ok. Terry.

something i've learned

2008-10-26T13:08:00.008-04:00

people don't like to be called 'douchebags.'

especially on the internet.

Denise Delarue: Double Feature

2008-10-20T09:57:00.003-04:00

What a great name! It seems custom-made to go along with Doug Dank.
Denise and Doug: the Delarue/Dank Ensemble

anyway, she is the monologist for this week's Doug Dank Project!
and after the improv show?
a free movie.
what's it called?
"Young People Fucking."
.
.
.
yep.

It's Canadian.... They can do that!

come out!
It's all still only $5.

The Doug Dank Project
and
"Young People Fucking"

All for $5!
Of course, you can still just come for the improv show, but....hey, free movie!

Doug Dank Project Monologist: Atlanta attorney Denise Delarue!!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008 at 10:00pm
Thursday, October 23, 2008 at 1:00am
PushPush Theater
121 New Street
Decatur, GA

Description
This Wednesday October 22nd, The Doug Dank Project invite you to stick around after the 1 hour improv show for a screening of the Independent Canadian Feature "Young People Fucking." Directed by Martin Gero and starring Doug Dank favorite Josh Dean, "Young People Fucking" is a smart and fast-paced comedy that intertwines the stories of 5 couples over the course of one sexual encounter.
Come for Doug Dank at 10pm. Stay for the film immediately following.
5 dollars and cheap beer!

What if...

2008-10-19T01:05:00.004-04:00

I found this notebook with all of these "what if" things i used to write. a looooooong time ago.
examples:
what if:
...you wanted your remains to be scattered across your favorite beach, just not necessarily to be cremated first.

...you had a long list of funeral requests, like, to be cut into pieces, dried into jerky, then frozen, then in the year 2028, thawed, and cremated.

...everyone just had 1 BIG big toe.

...when you died you wanted to be cremated, then mixed with "Cremora," then stored in creamers at a creamery.
(alternate..)
...cremated, mixed with "Cremora" and served with coffee to the people at the funeral.

...Roach motels weren't laced with poison, but rather just had extremely shallow swimming pools with diving boards.

Wow.

Pretty bad.

News of the Weird, from, oh, about 10 years ago, i bet

2008-10-18T21:04:00.007-04:00

i have kept a clipping from News of the Weird out of the Creative Loafing that i thought was HIlarious for, no joke, probably 10 years. maybe more? it keeeps showing up here and there, and i'll find a new place for it. a file folder. then years later, i'll toss that folder, but keep this torn-out piece of newspaper, and put it some place new. Well, it turned up yet again during our recent move. it's yellowed, and creased. and i STILL did not toss it out. WHAT grand day do i think this clipping has in its future, that i'm saving it for.

well, i'm going to type it in, word for word.
you'll see just how - funny - it is.

i'll take a picture of it.

you probably can't believe that it hasn't been even accidentally thrown away.
i've lost much more important stuff, that was in much better shape, and looked very official. but this--this sticks around.

then i'll throw it out---no, i'll recycle it, so that it might live on.
this is a suitable destiny for this fine piece of historical literature.

"In a February court hearing in Norristown, PA, attorney Charles Peruto, Jr. was in the process of arguing that his client, accused of selling drugs, was entitled to a low bail because he was not likely to flee before his trial. At that moment, however, the client, Howard "Wing Ding" Jones, bolted from the courtroom and led deputies on a one-hour chase before he was recaptured."

see? every time i re-read it, though, i'm like -- that is funny as shit. and i'm glad i read it. again.

and here is its final hurrah, before my cat, gilbert, shreds it apart. goodbye ridiculous Weird News clipping, goodbye.

DAVE WILLIS!

2008-10-14T20:22:00.004-04:00

co-creator of Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Squidbillies on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim programming block.

seriously.
i think you should probably come to this.
$5.
$5??!
oh, and pass this info on if you will, you probably have friends who are big fans of this guy's work.

!!
*******
Wednesday, October 15th at 10pm
PushPush Theater

This week The Doug Dank Project is proud to have Dave Willis again as our guest storyteller. Dave is not only the co-creator of Aqua Teen but also the voice of Meatwad and Carl among other characters.

We also welcome back Amber from her time away at the Victoria and Vancouver Improv Festivals. Welcome Home Amber!

Guest Monologist :

Dave Willis is a writer and producer of cartoons for Adult Swim. He co-created "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" and provides the voice of Meatwad and the irascible next-door neighbor, Carl. He is also a writer and producer for "Squidbillies" and is currently working on an animated pilot entitled "Cheyenne Cinnamon and the Fantabulous Unicorn of Sugar Town Candy Fudge". Check out thedougdankproject.com for more info on Dave.

Yeeeah, we're movin' on dooowwwn (movin' on down)

2008-10-14T13:18:00.007-04:00

to the east side....

went from renters in a ritzy area to owners in stabtown!

i do love it, though. Thank you, Ackerman Security!

and it hasn't fully hit us how great it is/will be.

mostly b/c there are still piles of shit everywhere.

trying to figure out where to put things.

i'm a terrible organizer.

The Step-Up Society came today and took a bunch of stuff that we foolishly didn't need/want, yet MOVED over here. but that was VERY convenient, they just showed up and hauled it away and left a tax receipt.

have to admit, the place looked a lot nicer with the other people's stuff in it. they were minimalists. and pretty much everything was from IKEA and Bed, Bath and Beyond. And had a masculine hint to it. Very smart of them, to appeal also to the male. Dan loved it. I was like, WE could have this shit, too, you just have to PAY for it. Most of the stuff in our house was either free or came from Salvation Army/Thrift or Consignment Stores/family heirlooms. Quite a mish-mash.
But we're trying to eliminate the stuff we don't need/haven't used in a year or so.

Speaking of, anyone want to buy a VINTAGE 50's metal /chrome kitchen table with a pop up leaf in the middle, built-in? comes with 4 original chairs that need reupholstering, but are super well-built and sturdy. $45 OBO. If you do want it, may want to act fast, our neighbor has expressed interest. (Not the one who neglects her dog).

close up detail of table pattern. sort of off-white and gray/beige 50's design.

how-to: dealing with ignorant assface jerks?

2008-10-08T19:23:00.005-04:00

anyone aware of this book or dvd?
any advice here is appreciated.

how people treat animals--their's and others -- and their opinions about the welfare of animals in general, pretty much gives me all i need to know about those people. Domesticated animals need care. They need us.

the people we just moved in next to keep their dog --a seemingly sweet black chow -- chained up 24/7 from what we can tell and the former owners of our house could tell.

he has an old, little igloo house, chain's probably 8 - 10 feet long, but you can't really see what the floor of the igloo is like. but it is run down. he's not starving, they must feed him, there's water. but nobody pays any attention to him. except us. and the former neighbors. and we just put up a privacy fence so that our cats can go outside and not roam east atlanta. now, i feel terrible b/c the only visual and physical interaction the dog had is now kinda gone. i still toss rawhides and treats over the fence, but we can't pet him.
and winter's around the corner.

he's a black chow.
he's still sweet. as far as we can tell. just wants to be touched. and talked to. and paid attention to for a goddamn minute.

sure. i could file a complaint with dekalb co. animal services since they're "tethering" their animal without any supervision, and this is not legal.

But what. they come get the animal, and keep him for max of 7 days. those owners aren't coming to get him. an adult chow? most likely not gonna get adopted out of dekalb co. animal services.

And he's euthanized.

the former owners and the neighbors on the other side even talked of stealing him.
the former owner's dad thought about "adopting" him. This was the most promising lead.
but i've since found out that the guy's dad has Parkinson's, that is worsening, and thinks it unwise to take on a dog. very disappointing, but i agree. he needs easy and safe right now.

WHY do they even keep him? He is chained way away from the house, so it's not even like a guard dog, which i hate, too.

What do i do?

Old and married and sick to shit of it all

2008-10-07T10:57:00.004-04:00

this is a conversation i overheard on a plane a couple months ago. the couple was sitting behind me. i wrote down everything i could hear/make out over the course of the flight from atlanta to rochester, ny. i'm just finding it.
Woman: very large woman, the walk up the aisle to the restroom is a daunting one.
Man: Pitiable character. Overweight, but not as big. sick to shit. of the whole thing, it seems.
Flight Attendant: Whatever stereotype you have in mind is correct.

W: "That's a pretty cat isn't it?"

W: "I just love cats and dogs."

M:

W: Everybody's wearing flip flops. It seems like that would hurt.

M:

W: Did you hear me? I said I'm uncomfortable.

M: (a mumble)

W: I read on the internet that after 30 days I'm supposed to switch to Head and Shoulders. One's got selenium and the other's got zinc. or something. (my note: !?)

W: What kind of diet drinks do you have?

M: Do you have Diet Sprite? Thank you.

W: That looks interesting. I'd like to try acupuncture.

W: There's a hole in the back of your shirt. ...There's a HOLE IN THE BACK OF YOUR SHIRT!

W: Ma'am, EXCUSE ME. Could you heat a dinner for me? .... (something something)........ My doctor ...... it's not frozen..... needs heating.....

FA: We don't have a microwave.

W: They don't have a microwave... (very skeptical)

M: Can you eat it cold?

W: I guess I'll have to!

M Can i go to the bathroom?

W: We'll be there soon. Just wait.

M: Can you switch places with me, then?

W: No.

M: (chuckles) Wh--

W: We'll be down soon.

(a lot of struggling and sighing and grunting by W, as she begrudgingly lets man out to pee)
(my note: awwwww, poor man has boobs twice the size of mine, and i'm 5 months pregnant - at this point of summer)

W: I thought I had a chocolate one! You want the rest of your nuts?

M: No.

This just in! Baby Squirrel for Obama!

2008-10-05T10:03:00.003-04:00

Natty Bumpercar's rare find of a Blue-State squirrel made it onto cuteoverload.com!

gyugel reesults

2008-10-02T22:11:00.002-04:00

"marriott cock squat" -- what most people don't know is that i'm known for this signature dance.

"mary kraft manapkin" --kind of proud of that. b/c manapkin!

"Burt Reynolds Stew" -- it's made out of moustache, tan, and fists!

"robert shields ran away"

"applebee's "tavern chips" recipe" -- always on here. this irritates and amuses me, though everytime i post these google hits with the tavern chips hits, i just get more hits. and so on, and so on. it's well-worth my time. ...

"boogieboarding pregnant" -- great idea, whoever!

another "marriot cock squat" -- Did you mean: marriott cock squat ?

Tommy Futch is worth the gas to drive to PushPush. I guarantee it*

2008-10-01T09:44:00.003-04:00

Tonight's Doug Dank Project MOnologist is the one and only Tommy
Futch, loooong time improvisor, and founding member/current head of
Laughing Matters Improv group, as well as Dad's Garage Ensemble member.

This guy has hadd a life. He has stories about it. He is funny. He
is smart. I bet he even makes us cry tonight, with humor mixed with
just the right amount of poignancy. i guarantee it.**

Look at that MULLET!

PushPush Theater in Decatur!
Wednesday night
10pm
$5
only about 45 - 50 minutes of improv based on real - life stories.

*no i don't.
*no i don't. but i'm full of pregnancy hormones, so i may be crying
in a corner anyway. feel free to join me!!!

Things are getting very real

2008-09-28T13:05:00.005-04:00

STACEY BODE , everybody.
Can't thank you enough, stacey.
See all the images at that link, above.

SLIDE SHOW that made me cry, right here.

need medicines. foam.

2008-09-17T20:23:00.009-04:00

may i --
may i just post a little something from the real world? Specifically, from the (our) government?

"How to get your medicines."
Now's not the time to be asking or answering any questions about how or why i have a peach state health plan booklet. i'm tryin ta keep this bloot presha down. Suffice it to say, the system SUCKS. private and public. health care is a SHAMBLES. and nearly illiterate.

I think Loss Cat's owner maybe has this same plan....

GOD! i could listen to that meow-screech for 30 minutes straight. if i were high. love me some r. land.

oh no....

2008-09-17T20:23:00.008-04:00

via pecannelog:

squatter's right

2008-09-16T22:12:00.004-04:00

Whenever someone actually lifts something up and sets it down, totally doing it the right way, using the legs and not the back, MAN do they look like a clown. ESPECIALLY if it's something that really might not have hurt their back if they used it to lift. We're coddling our backs, is what i'm trying to say.

also, i guess this is how you help a dog that's choking. or wants to be sexually assaulted, then do a comic spit take to reflect how shocked he is. either way, i think it's something we should all know.

Oscar, Melvin, and Irony

2008-09-16T15:55:00.002-04:00

These are the names people have for my fetus.

I'd be ok with just hearing the Stone Mountain-old-lady-choking-in-the-eating-contest story again

2008-09-15T18:13:00.004-04:00

DOOOOOOUG DANK!

This is Nick's second time monologizing, and let me tell you his first time was EXCELLENT. His stories were phenomenal. Come see this if you can.

PushPush Theater

10pm

Nick is a native of Atlanta who spends half of his time writing children's plays for a large corporate entity that specializes in theme parks and the other half writing about his own neuroses. He is currently editing a collection of short plays and a feature screenplay, one of which he hopes will be seen eventually.

He occasionally acts.

Boy, things sure move fast when you're pregnant

2008-09-15T10:30:00.003-04:00

He's moving a lot more, and we've even had a glimpse at his personaity/disposition.

See Ashzelly's picture from the other night.

Noah's Ark Animal Rescue Voting thing

2008-09-13T10:26:00.002-04:00

I find it kind of funny, and kind of depressing, that the shelter with the most votes (All 4 the Animals, in VA) has 47,000 (right now), and if just half of those were individual people (rather than multiple votes on multiple days from same people) who gave $1 each, they'd have over $23,000, rather than the $5,000 they're jumping through these hoops for.

Also, Noah's Ark has completely fallen off the whole top 10 list, even getting beaten horribly by a place called "Save Your Ass Long Ear Rescue" in New Hampshire, and the Fancy Cats Rescue Team of VA.

Electronics Recycling Day -- TODAY at Grady High School

2008-09-13T10:22:00.001-04:00

Grady - down on 10th street by Piedmont Park - is having their once monthly electronics recycling day. TODAY!

til 4pm.

LIST OF ACCEPTED ITEMS HERE

Clean out your filthy house!

vote early and often

2008-09-12T10:10:00.004-04:00

Takes just a second. no sign-up or anything needed.
This is a great organization i learned about from my friend Widdi, that helps kids and animals (what's the difference, am i right? am i right??! up high, michael!)

How would you like to help Noah's Ark get a $5,000 donation?
All you have to do is go to the Petfinder link below and vote for
Noah's Ark as your favorite animal rescue group. Just like that,
you can help be a part of providing for all of our abandoned,
neglected, surrendered and confiscated friends. This is a wonderful

way to increase your giving - without even having to open your wallet!
Please take a moment to VOTE NOW!!

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT, AND PLEASE FORWARD

THIS TO ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS!

I didn't even write this post

2008-09-08T21:48:00.006-04:00

rene did.
it's the newsletter.
and i'm having trouble even just copying and pasting.

This week The Doug Dank Project is proud to have local hero* Mike Brune join Matt and Dan this week while George is in rehearsals for Cannibal at Dad's Garage, Amber is mending a broken hand, and Rene is in Toronto performing his live improvised cartoon, The Saturday Morning Pajama Jam.

*That scene at the end of The Outsiders where Ralph Machhio saves all those kids from a burning building was based on Mike's own personal experience. Stay Gold Mike.
photo

Wednesday, September 10th at 10pm
Tom is a professional producer and editor in the Atlanta area. He's worked on a nature documentary show for Georgia Public Broadcasting and currently works in the commercial world. An independent filmmaker as well as an improvisor at Dad's Garage, this will be Tom's debut as a monologist in The Doug Dank Project.

~~~~I think that might be an untruth. i think this is his second time.

and i like this picture of him much, much better.

Highlights

2008-09-06T21:00:00.004-04:00

some people who don't live in atlanta have been asking me if i have pictures of myself pregnant. i do. a couple by my niece, and a couple by Stacey Bode, of Stacey Bode Photography. (here's her official site, that first link is her blog) See if you can tell which is which! and hopefully some more pics from stacey after we figure out when to take some more before it all goes down. ..literally.

so much misinformation

2008-09-06T20:12:00.002-04:00

someone, i shall not name names, cuz most of the people reading this know this person, and i love the person, and am mostly just making fun of her in a good-natured way, was asking me the other night, "what's a gizzard?"
i couldn't really tell her, i have to be honest.
Her: "Zesto has liver and gizzards on their menu. and the lady working there said it's the thing on the chicken's neck." I expressed some initial disbelief, but then conceded that the lady working at the Little 5 Points Zesto, serving liver and gizzards, probably knows better than me.
Point conceded. Also, i didn't care that much. ...yet.

Then, anonymous friend asks the bartender of the bar/restaurant (i wasn't boozing, i was eating. and not gizzards) where we're sitting, "What's a gizzard?" Bartender: "It's the neck meat of the chicken." Well, ok. That was a quick, confident answer, 2 to 1, gizzard must mean chicken neck...meat...stuff.

****

Anonymous: "Then what's a liver?"
Bartender: (best, ever-so-slight-beat, then a blink) "It's the liver."

****
How he did it without being a total asshole, or without the slightest bit of "are you fucking kidding me??" I'll never know. Pretty hilarious. got a big tip from me.

So, just now, I go to google gizzards, to post a related link, and --- it's not the f-ing neck meat at all! GAHHHH! It even has an alternate meaning (general guts, innards or entrails of other animals), but it still has nothing to do with the neck.

In the end, i guess the moral of the story is, don't eat either of these things. Or giblets. don't eat those. which are technically heart, liver and gizzards. but we've already covered that.

Blessed event

2008-09-06T10:26:00.002-04:00

as blessed this miracle be...i (and apparently anyone else in the history of babymaking) find it very hard to remember things, so i have lots of ideas for this blog, mostly little things, some pertaining to the glorious blessing wriggling inside of me, many with nothing to do with it at all.

i just can't seem to get them from wherever i am when i'm having the thoughts, to home, where my computer is. i guess this would be a good time for an iphone. Sure, a little notebook would be grand for something like this, but mostly the thoughts occur while driving, so, not so much with the writing or texting.

i'll try to be a little better about this blog???
make it more than the doug dank update?

I thought i'd be slowing down a lot, or have a lot of downtime about this point, so i'd have a more regular schedule, and time every night before a reasonable bedtime hour to sort out my thoughts of the day.... but it's really the same ole, same ole. and i'm glad. i really don't want EVERYthing to change, and don't think it has to.
And as far as i can calculate, that all depends on availability of reliable babysitters. So, ... due date is Nov. 13th. get out your calendars, homies.

Reverend Aitor speaks!

2008-09-02T23:13:00.006-04:00

Come see the man who belongs to this moustache!

Come hear the man who suggests i name my baby Cottonwood. "Because then you could call him Cotton. Or just Woody."

Come see his lady Becky Johnson of (one of my favorite comedy groups of all time) Toronto's Iron Cobra guest improvise with the usual crowd (if she is over this nasty cold).

Becky and Rev. Aitor are "an item." Here is their blog.

Rev. Aitor does unflattering portraits of people. here they are on flickr!

The Doug Dank Project!

PushPush Theater

Wednesday

10pm

$5!!!!

abdominal pressure

2008-09-02T23:08:00.001-04:00

i am finding that every time i notice a big baby movement happening, as soon as i tell Dan to look, it stops. And whenever he feels my giant mid-region to try to feel something happen, it's like the baby purposefully just freezes until he walks away. And i feel a bit of pressure for him to perform for people who are waiting for it.

The Canadians are coming................

2008-08-26T23:51:00.002-04:00

Do you know Canadians? They're funny. Well, at least these ones are. And any others that i've ever met. ANd they're not here all that often. And they're pretty brilliant improvisors. At least these ones are. And any others that i've ever met.

They'll be in town for the dad's garage world domination improv tournament this weekend, but FIRST, they'll be telling stories for the great Doug Dank!! Not sure which one(s) will be doing the talking, and which ones will be stepping in to guest improvise (if any), but this will be a doug dank not to miss! and probably a pretty big party-scene afterwards. I could be wrong, but i'm probably not.

May be Mark Meer of Edmonton? May be Becky Johnson of Iron Cobra? Maybe Graham Wagner of Iron Cobra? -- atually, no, he's not getting here til Friday... Maybe Josh Dean of Edmonton and tv fame? Jacob Bannigan? Alistair of Vancouver fame??
Mannnnn, you just cant lose with any of them.
Show the hell up!~!

The Doug Dank Project
PushPush Theater
Wednesday at 10pm
$5... what? that's RIDICULOUS!

In honor of Fay

2008-08-22T11:34:00.001-04:00

Let's take one more look at the hilarious small-bug freakout that trumped news about an approaching hurricane.

via Josie

YOU could be one of the guest storytellers at Doug Dank tonight!

2008-08-20T09:56:00.002-04:00

Here's the deal:

No pressure!
Format:
The Doug Dank Project improvisors will have audience members write down brief titles to their real life personal stories. We pick five or six to post up or write on a board ( or place in a hat). We do the usual show, however, when any improviser chooses, they can jump out of a scene or walk onstage to pick from the hat, and announce the title of the next story. We ask the audience member to stand up and tell that story from the audience. Everything else is the same---just with YOUR awesome stories, that you can pick beforehand.

then you can sit back down, have a sip of beer or wine or soda, and relax for the rest of the show.

FUN!!!

come out, tell your friends! pass this along if you know anyone who would be interested in either doing or seeing the show! word of mouth is a broke-ass show's best friend.
Short notice!
Still at PushPush Theater in Decatur.
Still $5.
Still at 10pm, Wednesday night.

To be honest, i thought i was too good to be true.

2008-08-19T15:43:00.003-04:00

god.

so, i'm pregnant. i think most of you know this. some of you may not.
and i went online looking up paints, and which ones i might be able to actually use, being pregnant and all.
and i saw one on the home depot site, that said it was VOC-free.
it was called The Freshairre Choice.

Man, does that sound familiar.
But i haven't painted anything in a long, long time.

well---
I guess it should sound familiar...

*wink*
we'll see you next time.
*vomit*

Dear St. George,

2008-08-17T17:36:00.003-04:00

i just fed some apple to a fiddler crab.

for real.

though it sounds like maybe a song lyric.

John Benzinger takes the stage to act like himself for Doug Dank

2008-08-05T19:48:00.002-04:00

Atlanta actor John Benzinger will be the guest storyteller this Wednesday at The Doug Dank Project over at PushPush Theater. 10pm. Only $5. You might not want to miss this.

Read about him HERE, in his very own creative loafing interview, or for a quicker snippet, here's the official DDP bio:

Actor at night, corporate lackey by day...has been recently seen performing in Some Men, Octopus & Dark Play at Actor's Express as well as navigating thru PowerPoint presentations noting "value proposition" for technology companies in odd places such as Norcross. John is an Artistic Associate and regular performer at Dad's Garage and has been seen on stage with many other theaters in Atlanta since moving here from Newburgh, NY in 1997.

PHOTO CREDIT: Stacey Bode Photography.

i smell sexy puppets

2008-07-30T00:04:00.000-04:00

smells like rum and sawdust.
Rarely do we at The Doug Dank Project send out someone's life story - but this is way too interesting!

This week, Wednesday May 9th, we welcome Raymond Carr as our guest monologist. He is truly one of Atlanta's most interesting artists as you can see by his story.

home schooled by church clowns in the bowels of Los Angeles California, Raymond Carr has forged ahead to be come one of the top black puppeteers in the country!!! a good portion of Atlanta know him for his antics at dad's garage puppet slams and late night creepy horror theater and for his (taking himself waaayyy too seriously) avant garde crap at the center for puppetry arts, sprinkled in with a handful of kids shows every now and again, IF he can avoid it. and sometimes he likes to make movies with his company ninja puppet productions. and even more of Atlanta knows him for his insentient yammering about how he used to live in Iceland. 3 massive head wounds, cross country road trips in a puppet mobile, and straight edge living are the building?blocks of the raymond carr.

Hope to see you out!

~~~~~~~~Wednesday, 10pm, 5$~~~~~~~

The Doug Dank Project

www.thedougdankproject.com
www.pushpushtheater.com

I'm going on the record

2008-07-28T16:14:00.001-04:00

if you're going to eat yogurt, you're not going to get a better one than Brown Cow yogurt.

you can try. sure. but...

and if you are having a soy yogurt, Silk is hard to beat.
possibly b/c there are fewer options.
but it's still damn good.

Graham Wagner, ladies and gentlemen

2008-07-25T10:02:00.003-04:00

and Aaron Eves.
Many of you know Graham, but for those who don't, along with Becky Johnsonhe's one half of the Toronto Improv group Iron Cobra, which just has to be seen to be truly appreciated. Some of my favorite stuff i've ever seen. Let me edit that, their live, Iron Cobra shows are some of my favorite favorite stuff i've ever seen.

and here's just graham:

Come see me at the La Quinta Inn Southside, Tuesdays at 7:30pm in August

2008-07-24T12:32:00.001-04:00

world's grossest kabob

2008-07-23T19:17:00.002-04:00

we have skewers in our kitchen drawer.
i didn't even know this until 3 days ago.
metal skewers, for kabobing, i guess?
i don't believe they've ever been used, until 3 days ago -- when i used one to fish a tick out of the toilet.

Happy Wednesday Night!

Love,
Mary

p.s. i did find a tick JUST slightly attached to me. please feel free to post comments that panic the ever-living shit out of me. i have told my doctor about the 'bite.' and it didn't look like a deer tick, at least not when it was water-logged and on the end of a skewer.

John Adams: The Mini Series Spoiler Alert!!!

2008-07-23T18:44:00.003-04:00

he DIES?
I TOTALLY didn't see that coming.

I wonder if his son dies, too?
They don't say.

Dramaturgy sounds more like an adjective

2008-07-22T20:48:00.006-04:00

and Dramaturg has always sounded to me like a monster that lurks in the wings of a theater on dark nights. a Dark Knight of Dark Nights, i guess.

hey!
Freddie Ashley will board the S.S. Doug Dank Project, and commandeer the helm, and pilfer--nay, purloin-- the emotional booty from the treasure chests of our hearts.

well, he'll be telling stories. stories that will inspire improv. which will inspire stories. which will inspire improv. ayyye, we're stuck in the swirling waters of the bermuda triangle! WHAT am i talking about? JEEEZus.

where: PushPush Theater, Decatur
When: Wednesday, July 23rd, 10pm
How much: ONLY $5!
Secret Deal: FREE COOKIES TO THE FIRST 2 Dozen or so people!

here's the official bio:

Freddie Ashley is Artistic Director of Actor's Express in Atlanta. He has directed the AE productions of Hedwig and the Angry Inch, When Something Wonderful Ends, dark play or stories for boys (Atlanta Journal-Constitution Top Ten of 2007), The Great American Trailer Park Musical, I Am My Own Wife (AJC Top Ten of 2007) and The Last Sunday in June. As an actor, he has appeared in AEs productions of Burn This and Jane Eyre. Prior to joining Actor's Express, he was Literary Manager of the Alliance Theatre (recipient of the 2007 Regional Theatre Tony Award). Other directing credits include The Last Schwartz (Jewish Theatre of the South); A Man of No Importance (Theatre Gael AJC Best Musical Revival of 2004); Lawrenceburg (World Premiere, Dads Garage AJC Top Ten of 2006); and numerous shows with Aurora Theatre including Lend Me a Tenor, As It Is In Heaven, Moon Over Buffalo, Waving Goodbye, Wait Until Dark, Glorious (American Premiere) and Camelot. Freddie has worked as a dramaturg developing new plays at the Alliance, as well as the New York companies The New Group and Page 73 Productions. He has received the Elliott Hayes Award for Dramaturgy from the Literary Managers and Dramaturgs of the Americas and a first-ever Arts Encouragement Award from the Charles Loridans Foundation. Freddie is a cum laude graduate of Shorter College with a BFA in Theatre, holds an MFA in Performance from the University of Southern Mississippi and serves as an adjunct instructor at Kennesaw State University.

Google Calendar

2008-07-20T16:05:00.000-04:00

You have no events scheduled today.

Wise, my ass. They'll tear your eyes out when you're not looking.

2008-07-16T20:20:00.008-04:00

last night i was awoken out of a deep sleep by an owl.
let me re-structure that sentence.
Last night, the hoot of a nearby owl woke me.
awoke me?
ahhh fuck it.
you get the point. i heard it, it wasn't shaking my shoulder, telling me i was late for work.

i jumped up in a second, cuz i knew one of my cats was still outside.
the skinnier, older one, Kiedis.
Gilbert? not sure an owl could fly off with. he's quite the fat ass, and thick thick thick fur.
I brought Kiedis in, no harm, no fOWL.

This is in contrast to one night when i thought i was awoken by the hoot of an owl, like 10 years ago, where i lived down on St. Augustine Pl.
My bed, and hence, my head, was right up against a door which in theory would open up onto the front porch. old house. lots of doors. lots of fireplaces. divided up for roommates, and it really wasn't set up for such. Point being, my head was basically a foot from whatever's on the front porch.
Back then, i don't even think i realized owls were birds of prey. or didn't worry a bit about the possibility of my cat being carried off by one.
Dead asleep.

I did that weird half-asleep/half-awake thing where i heard an owl hoot very close to my head, but then drifted back asleep.

I heard it again, and it brought me a little bit more out of sleep, but just to the point where i kind of made a giggling noise and thought to myself, "awww, an owl's outside on the porch."

Then, the hoot went, "hoooooo-hoooooo-hooo-accccchhh-caackleachhh!" (like, hack-cough-cough-weeze-cough-hack!)
i made the full transition in from sleep to wake in the next 4 seconds, i feel like i levitated, and said out loud, "Thaaaat's no owl!"
i get on the floor, and look out the curtains at the very bottom, and it's some old Allman-Brothers-looking bum, sitting at our little outdoor porch table, smoking a cigarette, and he's lit all of our little votive candles. just hanging out, smoking.

I called 9-1-1.
Explained to the police, there's a homeless guy, white, older, bearded, dirty, and he lit all of our candles on our porch.
had to repeat that one to them.
of course by the time the police got there, he had moved on.
Hooo knows where.

not in the habit of getting my news from Dagmar Midcap...

2008-07-13T23:12:00.005-04:00

...but, i guess i could if i watched any newscaster or reporter in apparently any movie, ever.

i found myself watching the movie version of the D. C. Sniper story, called "D. C. Sniper: 23 Days of Fear."
it's exactly as good as you think it would be...
But, i'd forgotten how they caught them, so i kept watching. Then i thought......tha hell??!! Is THAT DAGMAR MIDCAP, Canadian-born, now-local meteorologist, with a name like a mutual fund, playing that reporter??

well, yes. yes it was. and apparently she has been 'acting' for years.
maybe not the greatest range in the business:
Host
Newscaster
Host
Newscaster
Newscaster
Reporter
Reporter
Host
Newscaster,
then:
MXP: Most Xtreme Primate (2003) (V) .... Katie
and
Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch (2002) (V) .... Teacher

she's got to be getting some residuals from all that shit, and she just finished a movie that will come out next year, playing--yep--a newsanchor. and she can't spring for a photo on imdb.com?
kitty? please....

Here's an article, with picture, about Dagmar Midcap taking over as meteorologist on Channel 46 News.

The first two reader comments:
*Nice boobs!
*Nice cans

Some of the subsequent comments:
*Didn’t Dagmar do Naked News for a while? If she hasn’t - she should! Nice juggs!
*Nice of the photographer to purposely take a side shot to show off her knockers…
*gotta admit, Dagmar is HOTTT. nice rack!!

If you're ever driving up I-75, there's a big billboard with her face, with "DAGMAR" next to it.
She just popped onto the tv right now!

you guys?

she's everywhere.
she's like the rachael ray of fake and/or fluff news and weather.
and look at those cans!...

not in the habit of getting my news from the weather channel

2008-07-13T10:57:00.004-04:00

but, this is pretty amazing.

i'd actually heard something about it before, but here's a LINK
to a story about a lady who makes purses and hats out of used grocery (plastic) bags.

oh. well, now that i google, there seems to be multiple sites for people doing this.

here's a picture of one.
and here's another picture:

and here's a step by step process of doing it yourself. which i won't be doing. (just learned how to sew a button onto something....)

i still like the first weather channel story, i guess b/c she's a more sympathetic character. don't read anything into that. or do.

Anyone know anyone in atlanta fitting this type?

2008-07-09T13:58:00.002-04:00

a male in their 50's who has:

-Suffered a heart attack

-Gotten in better shape

-Uses Lipitor

-And can read copy

if so, let me know, quickly. they could make a loooottt of money. it's for a commercial.

~mk

2 thoughts, completely unrelated

2008-07-03T14:52:00.002-04:00

1) i'm not sure anybody living above the poverty level should ever wear a cowboy hat.

2) the description "round-faced nurses" might be an interesting way to describe nurses, like, in a novel, or short story. or maybe "round-faced nurses, with their feathered bangs." something like that. sure, it's a generalization, and kind of demeaning, but, fuck it.

Vince Canlas at the Doug Dank Project, July 2nd

2008-06-30T15:39:00.007-04:00

the official Doug Dank bio from the Doug Dank site:

As an Atlanta-based actor since the mid 80's, Vince Canlas has worked in just about all areas of the "talent" category, whether it be on-camera, on stage, on the mic or as a back/torso model for a Kimberly-Clark product. He claims, to stay busy, it's sometimes about niche marketing, so he has no qualms about working the "Token Asian" angle in productions.

When Vince is not in front of the camera, he is behind it working as a video producer and in-house photographer for INPO, a non-profit organization that works with nuclear utilities to ensure the safe and reliable operation of nuclear plants.

He is the proud father of a 14 year old son, Branden, who's followed in his Dad's interest in acting.

Vince is also a Leo.

>>>>>
How weird! I was a back and torso model for "Colleen's Smock Locker" in downtown Slampsberg! WEIRD.

Come on out:

Wednesday

10pm - 11pm

PushPush Theater

UGH! Sorry! he just has so many awesome pics

Update to R. Land gallery

2008-06-29T11:40:00.004-04:00

what a fun partay.
awesome odd odd crowd.
for $5:
lots of food
an ice cream cooler (i got an orange creamcicle!)
free beer/wine
dj
some band that was really weird and great. i mean, like a marching band. kind of.
some pretty neat art.
i think my fave was painted on a camaro hood.
he sold a LOT of things....
and the gallery i believe i heard will be open thurs-sundays month of july.

My update is to my previous quote about his art being reasonably priced. For those of you reading who are sorta in the same financial dingy as me, that's not completely true.
he used to have some cheaper Loss Cats, and maybe still does. yep. and that's cool. this newer stuff is bigger. and more expensive.
What ARE affordable, and DO still make an excellent gift, are his prints, posters, smaller paintings, t-shirts, stickers, light switch plates, magnets, etc...... He's an excellent merchandiser, i will give him that. go r.

R.Land

Loss Cat