Monday, October 27, 2008

oh god, i found more "what if's"

oh man, and these were the funnier of them....

What if there was a hissing sound coming from the engine of your car that you described to your mechanic as "angry hornets stinging the head of an angry cobra," and he opened your hood and it really was angry hornets stinging the head of an angry cobra."
What if it turned out to actually be fairly complacent flies on the head of a garden snake? I guess it wouldn't be as scary, but man, it would be so much weirder

What if your brother was a mime, your sister was a ventriloquist, your parents were midgets, yet--surprisingly--you turned out normal? Well, except for your 6 inch torso and webbed feet.

What if Olivia Newton John were to marry Elton John? I guess her married name would be --- Mrs. Elton John.

What if news anchors just started opening their newscasts by leaning in towards the camera with, "Listen to this crap!" (note: personally, i like this one. and it's kinda what the Daily Show does, now, in a way. i was ahead of my time)

What if you wore a black eye patch to your next job interview? I don't think they would hire you. and i think that is wrong.

Even sadder? they'll think even less of you if you wear it with a navy or brown suit.

What if you're on a blind date with this REALLY, really ugly, quiet, weird guy and in the middle of dinner he coughs up a great big hair ball? You're grossed out, but then, you suddenly realize he is actually a great big cat? He probably doesn't look quite so bad now, huh?

What if pirahnas evolve into footed creatures? Am I the only one worried to TEARS about this?

What if a hawk ate a snake, that just ate a dead rat, that just ate a roach that just ate some leftover cake? I bet meal was more than he bargained for. What if the hawk then threw up? He must've been allergic to something in the cake (gluten or lactose intolerance, probably) and there's just no predicting something like that, I don't care how long you've been a predator.

What if you had a tattoo of a person's face on your back or arm and you went to the beach, and just the nose of the tattoo got sunburnt and peeled?

What if you or someone in your immediate family had invented "The Wave," you know, that everyone does at sporting events? Just think about how rich you would be!

What if you had a REALLY, really bad hangover, and after like 5 days, it finally started to ease up, and even those things that everybody said looked like chicken pox started to go away?


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