Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Old and married and sick to shit of it all

this is a conversation i overheard on a plane a couple months ago. the couple was sitting behind me. i wrote down everything i could hear/make out over the course of the flight from atlanta to rochester, ny. i'm just finding it.
Woman: very large woman, the walk up the aisle to the restroom is a daunting one.
Man: Pitiable character. Overweight, but not as big. sick to shit. of the whole thing, it seems.
Flight Attendant: Whatever stereotype you have in mind is correct.

W: "That's a pretty cat isn't it?"

W: "I just love cats and dogs."


W: Everybody's wearing flip flops. It seems like that would hurt.


W: Did you hear me? I said I'm uncomfortable.

M: (a mumble)

W: I read on the internet that after 30 days I'm supposed to switch to Head and Shoulders. One's got selenium and the other's got zinc. or something. (my note: !?)

W: What kind of diet drinks do you have?

M: Do you have Diet Sprite? Thank you.

W: That looks interesting. I'd like to try acupuncture.

W: There's a hole in the back of your shirt. ...There's a HOLE IN THE BACK OF YOUR SHIRT!

W: Ma'am, EXCUSE ME. Could you heat a dinner for me? .... (something something)........ My doctor ...... it's not frozen..... needs heating.....

FA: We don't have a microwave.

W: They don't have a microwave... (very skeptical)

M: Can you eat it cold?

W: I guess I'll have to!

M Can i go to the bathroom?

W: We'll be there soon. Just wait.

M: Can you switch places with me, then?

W: No.

M: (chuckles) Wh--

W: We'll be down soon.

(a lot of struggling and sighing and grunting by W, as she begrudgingly lets man out to pee)
(my note: awwwww, poor man has boobs twice the size of mine, and i'm 5 months pregnant - at this point of summer)

W: I thought I had a chocolate one! You want the rest of your nuts?

M: No.


OpenID fierce-rabbit said...

She keeps her nuts in his purse because he wasn't using them anyway. 8[

1:18 PM  
OpenID fierce-rabbit said...

*HER* purse...meant to say *HIS nuts, *HER* purse....

1:20 PM  
Blogger stacey said...

that's strange...i don't remember matt and i sitting behind you on a flight this summer.

4:40 PM  
Blogger ablebody said...

stacey, remember when you thought you had a chocolate one?

1:37 AM  

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