Saturday, January 06, 2007

Eye on the prize and all.

You know when you drop something, or knock something off the counter? My attempt to catch it before it hits the ground is so much more than just an attempt-- I take it very seriously, and derive MUCH joy from a mission accomplished. Even more fulfilling if you catch the item just before it goes in the trash or even better, the toilet. I just did this with a lotion cap. Score! ....aaaahgh.
I'd say about 85% of the time, I catch it, whatever it is. I've got, as they say, good hands. I'm getting this percentage statistic out of the Library of My Ass.
Were a camera on me consistently, I would have won $10,000 from one of those whinnying home video shows years ago.
I take it very seriously, BUT, I usually laugh at what it must have looked like.
One time, years ago, after "fixing mama's eyes", i knocked over an empty plastic 16oz. coke bottle, batted it around like a cat with a chipmunk SIX TIMES and laughed, by myself, for 10 full minutes.... intermittently.

Will stupid shit ever stop being funny?

Yes, I fixed my eyes by myself.


Blogger Overdroid said...

I feel exactly the same way and have the same accuracy when it comes to "running over people on the crosswalk late at night." Totally fun!

1:49 AM  
Anonymous N. Bumpercar said...

I love love love love love catching things as they are falling.

It is one of the few moments in the world where my jungle-cat like reflexes can actually be put to use for the good of the world . . . and where I really feel like I can put one over on stupid Mister Gravity!

Even as I am typing this - I am looking for things that have any potential to fall - so that I can prepare myself to catch them . . .

Ooh! Check out this link for a great related story:
Baby Catchers!

4:13 PM  
Blogger Overdroid said...

I also have to admit my greatest delight comes from knocking things to the floor just as some one else has caught them after they were about to fall. I am the anti-you.

3:59 AM  
Blogger maryk said...

O: what a pair we could be at a party!

N: baby catchers, eh? would've liked to have seen that.

i should clarify, i'll take a flailing catch, as well, but what is most satisfying is a focused one-swipe catch, where it feels like it was in slow motion...or at least that it would look REALLY cool in slow motion.

4:56 PM  
Blogger Overdroid said...

What if it's a hot coal, or a blob of lava, or a deadly brown recluse spider, or unshielded plutonium, or a poisoned shurikin, or a blob of anti-matter, or poop? Will you still catch it? Would you catch one of these things out of habit and then realize you made a mistake only seconds after? I hope I'm there to knock it out of your hand and say "YEAH! I'M THE BOSS!" (that's what I say when I knock something out of some one's hand after they have deftly caught it).

2:35 AM  
Blogger maryk said...

you know, i had to train myself (insert montage) NOT to try to catch falling knives when i started working in restaurants.

6:49 AM  
Blogger Overdroid said...

I see part of your montage as an elderly blind asian man knocking over various pointy and non-pointy objects, while you wear a blindfold and catch only the non-pointy ones.

In another section you are about to put some raw eggs in a blender but one rolls of the counter and you catch it. You then hold it up to examine it closely and slowly let it roll off your hand onto the floor, your brow furrowed in strain at allowing such a travesty.

In another I knock a kitten out of your hand and say "Yeah, I'm the BOSS!"

And here is my new improv game based on the verification letters. Make a word out of them by inserting some vowels, and then define it:

kanbrijd: N. An African word meaning support, especially through a difficult time in one's life, or over water and made out of cans.

7:36 PM  
Blogger Machinistscott said...

And when the gravity effected item gets past your first line of defence(flailing arms with digited grabers) do you then try to catch or kick it back hacky style?

I do.

I have a 63.275% chance of catching an item that falls within my grabing range. The remaining 36.725% of falling items have a 15.375% chance of being caught or rebounded by my feets. Thus Items falling in my presence have only a 21.35% chance of hitting the ground with gravitys full force.

Do you offer a library card?

9:29 AM  
Blogger maryk said...

you are right, i do try to use my feet on occasion. Those are some special, special times when i actually catch something on my feet. I spilled red wine once in college when my parents were out of town and was having a party i wasn't supposed to be having. I saw it (in slow motion, again) heading towards the ground, and my instincts kicked in, i put my foot out and it got my shoe instead of the beige carpet. Whew!
Theeeeeeen i forgot to clean my parents bathroom and there were beer cans in it. Busted anyway.

2:08 PM  
Blogger maryk said...

OVERDROID: i LOOOve your new idea for the word verification---very balderdash! But ever since the new blogger beta, the blow-owner-word verification is gone--i always wondered why they made you verify on your own blog. Next comment on your's'll be saying "Smooth move, Merriam Webster." (Huh? Huh? Ablebody?....inside joke from ski trip). Come on, Santana!

2:10 PM  
Blogger Overdroid said...

You can use mine:


8:35 PM  

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