Talking Head
I did an on-camera narrator job on Friday for a website. The Georgia Superior Court Clerk's Cooperative Authority website. Yes, the big break I've been looking for! ... And it just rolls off the tongue.
The director guy calls to get my sizes for wardrobe, that he says HE'S going to go buy. A suit. Banana Republic khaki-suit type of look. Ok, that's fine. Classic. Ok. I give him my sizes. Honestly.
I get there Friday morning and he says, I couldn't find a suit in (your size), so I got the next smallest. I grimace. Teeth clinched. And he's only bought 2 options. 2 suits in a size smaller than what I usually wear. Day of the shoot.
Yep. First suit, too small. Not just too small for my ass, but the sleeves of the jacket don't reach the end of my simian arms. I look like a sausage coming out of the casing. mmmmm.
Next suit, fits better, still tight, and is a good suit (Ellen Tracy...for the ladies) but is kinda ugly and the client doesn't like it. These are $300 and $400 suits!?! What?! People pay $400 for a pants suit?! Sheeit.
While they're still setting up lighting stuff, the CLIENT goes up to the Edgewood shopping center to look for other options, and I'm sure they're pissed at the director guy, but it's all making me feel very self-conscious.
They get back with a ...Ross (dress for less) bag. With a khaki suit in it. A $29 suit. A size BIGGER than I usually wear. Wow, that other suit must have really looked tight. The pants to
this Ross suit have an elastic waist band. They are clownish, they are so big. And the jacket had a seashell star pendant on the lapel covering up a sewing goof, and looked--when on me-- not unlike David Byrne's Same As It Ever Was Shoulder Padded jacket. Which would've been sort of fitting for the job I was doing.
Obviously, this won't work. So they go with the uglier, less-tight cream-colored suit. The whole day, whenever I looked down, I could not help feeling like I was waiting for a plane to touch down on Fantasy Island next to a trusty, if not overly confident, midget.
The shoot was long, tedious, but there was a tele-prompter, and it was well-paying. Thank god they had a hair/makeup person. One who looked to me like a perfect cross between Leigh Hayes and Stacy Melich (Cynthia something, Leigh and Tiffany, you probablyknow her).
I wrote the director an email today, saying you know, thanks and all, good to work with you, and sorry my big ass wouldn't fit into your suits.
Seriously, I wrote that.
Sort of funny thing is I just picked up 2 suits, IN my SIZE, one Banana Republic and one Benetton, from a Freecycle person (in Inman Park) Friday night. Free. She left them on her porch. I picked them up at like 11:00 at night. She was having company over. The kind of company that sits around with glasses of Scotch, and a decanter on the table between them. I know this, cuz I stood at the window looking in, wondering if I should explain my presence or thank her. I decided not to. But they just HAD to see me. Dan and I immediately regretted our decision to not either:
1) knock on the door, ask if I could try them on in their bathroom, or
2) try them on right there on the porch.
If I only had the balls.
The director guy calls to get my sizes for wardrobe, that he says HE'S going to go buy. A suit. Banana Republic khaki-suit type of look. Ok, that's fine. Classic. Ok. I give him my sizes. Honestly.
I get there Friday morning and he says, I couldn't find a suit in (your size), so I got the next smallest. I grimace. Teeth clinched. And he's only bought 2 options. 2 suits in a size smaller than what I usually wear. Day of the shoot.
Yep. First suit, too small. Not just too small for my ass, but the sleeves of the jacket don't reach the end of my simian arms. I look like a sausage coming out of the casing. mmmmm.
Next suit, fits better, still tight, and is a good suit (Ellen Tracy...for the ladies) but is kinda ugly and the client doesn't like it. These are $300 and $400 suits!?! What?! People pay $400 for a pants suit?! Sheeit.
While they're still setting up lighting stuff, the CLIENT goes up to the Edgewood shopping center to look for other options, and I'm sure they're pissed at the director guy, but it's all making me feel very self-conscious.
They get back with a ...Ross (dress for less) bag. With a khaki suit in it. A $29 suit. A size BIGGER than I usually wear. Wow, that other suit must have really looked tight. The pants to
this Ross suit have an elastic waist band. They are clownish, they are so big. And the jacket had a seashell star pendant on the lapel covering up a sewing goof, and looked--when on me-- not unlike David Byrne's Same As It Ever Was Shoulder Padded jacket. Which would've been sort of fitting for the job I was doing.Obviously, this won't work. So they go with the uglier, less-tight cream-colored suit. The whole day, whenever I looked down, I could not help feeling like I was waiting for a plane to touch down on Fantasy Island next to a trusty, if not overly confident, midget.
The shoot was long, tedious, but there was a tele-prompter, and it was well-paying. Thank god they had a hair/makeup person. One who looked to me like a perfect cross between Leigh Hayes and Stacy Melich (Cynthia something, Leigh and Tiffany, you probablyknow her).
I wrote the director an email today, saying you know, thanks and all, good to work with you, and sorry my big ass wouldn't fit into your suits.
Seriously, I wrote that.
Sort of funny thing is I just picked up 2 suits, IN my SIZE, one Banana Republic and one Benetton, from a Freecycle person (in Inman Park) Friday night. Free. She left them on her porch. I picked them up at like 11:00 at night. She was having company over. The kind of company that sits around with glasses of Scotch, and a decanter on the table between them. I know this, cuz I stood at the window looking in, wondering if I should explain my presence or thank her. I decided not to. But they just HAD to see me. Dan and I immediately regretted our decision to not either:
1) knock on the door, ask if I could try them on in their bathroom, or
2) try them on right there on the porch.
If I only had the balls.
posted by maryk at 1:15 AM
2 Comments:
i wish there was a pic of the scotch drinkers from the porch.
God knows, so do i.
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