Sunday, November 05, 2006

If you have no hay penny then god bless you

f-ing holidays are coming. this realization, like a glass of cold acid in the face, came to me while re-reading an old email a friend wrote after a trip home to visit the ole folks.
Put this in your back pocket to pull out when you think you're going to stab a relative in the eye with a a shiv made of stuffing.
Yes I said stuffing! It could work. No it couldn't. But i'm not changing it now. I'm fond of it. And this story (i just turned into albert brooks there for a second):

"I went home to Utah for the long 4th of July weekend and got pretty worn out trying, and failing, to tap dance around all the stuff you can't say around devout Mormons. The innocent discussion of DNA and the mapping of the human genome and what I just read about what scientists now know about human migration patterns because of DNA was an absolute train wreck. I had totally forgotten (can't believe I did, but I did) that saying that DNA science is sure that all humans came out of East Africa in the beginning, would cause no end of trouble. The Garden of Eden was in Jackson Country, MO! God revealed that fact to Joseph Smith! God! The word of GOD! Also, I had forgotten that DNA mapping has confirmed what anthropologists had long theorized--that American Indians are originally (waaaaaay back) of Asian origin, having migrated to the American continents via the ice bridge that existed between Alaska and Russia during the ice age. This is a BIG problem for the Mormon Church because the Book of Mormon (the Word of God!) says that the Indians are Jews who fled Jerusalem in, umm, 70 AD, I think and traveled to the New World by ship. Jews. They sure look Jewish, don't they? Don't know if you knew that about the Book of Mormon. There's lots more crazy where that came from. "
Hope she don't mind me putting that here. I didn't mention no names.

4 Comments:

Blogger Overdroid said...

Man, Mormons are crazy. Thank God I believe in (insert my own freaking cultish reality-denying religion here). But seriously, I'm not letting Christians off the hook. I give every Jesus believer I know a hard time (even the liberal ones - Hell, ESPECIALLY the liberal ones) if they try to say something along the lines of "That's not my religion." I just don't see enough moderate xians standing up to the crazies that are defining them, and if you want me to respect you as a moderate xian - you better start standing up to the crazies that you are letting define you. Because tolerance of intolerance is intolerance, and I can't tolerate that.

4:15 PM  
Anonymous Karaoke Follows said...

I kinda like Mormons. And I like ‘em because they’re still making shit up. Christians haven’t had a “New” Testament in two thousand years. That’s like Windows ’95.

9:36 PM  
Blogger Overdroid said...

I was just reading the comments, but my verify letters made up a word:

Xauss.

That should be a real word. Perhaps a special Doctor Seuss inspired holliday. Or a sub atomic particle only found in german sausage.

6:23 PM  
Anonymous bill said...

The crazies don't speak for me.

Want a hear a good voice in the wilderness? Check out Rick McKinley at Imago Dei.

10:12 AM  

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