Monday, February 06, 2006

Ready, Kids?

I'm not sure you are.
And neither is this gay mountain lion.

Thanks to Fierce Rabbit for this one.

If you've ever been concerned that the U.S. Department of Homeland Security isn't doing or spending enough to protect the country's countless children, ease your mind--and I have your purse (inside joke from college that one person who reads this will get.)
Here is the answer!

A family of mountain lions and a hummingbird will teach your kids how to survive a terrorist attack.
You: What the f?
Me: Yes, they will!

It's Rex, the father (clearly gay): Did you know?
HE LOVES: Making friends! He talks to everyone he meets and loves to learn all about them.
He made a guitar out of a hollow tree!

Purrcilla, the mother (clearly high) : Did you know?

SHE LOVES: Drawing! She has passed on her love of drawing to her daughter. Purrcilla enjoys taking her box of pencils and paper outdoors to sketch scenes from nature.

HOBBY: She loves to dance* in the mornings to relax and start her day.

Rory (the, uh, daughter?), Did you know?
FAVORITE SUBJECTS: Science, art, and music. She loves to play the drums. (I have a pretty good feeling she also likes denim shorts, Portia di Rossi, and feels bad that Chastity Bono can't lose any weight on Celebrity Fit Club.)
HOBBY: Inventing things! Rory uses objects that she finds around the house to "improve" things like scooters, skates, and sleds! How ridiculous!

and Hector the Hummingbird (who has an owl friend with breasts. Go back up and look at the picture, again). Did you know?
Sometimes he flies so fast that his goggles fly off! ¡Cómo está retardado!

Logically, the illustrator--Betsy Baytos--is a dance historian. ...?
And she is currently producing a Documentary film about early music hall and eccentric, comedy dancing.
I know what you're thinking. FINally!...
She's a fool if she doesn't contact ablebody about that sideways reachy-kicky dance of his.

*wash a hydrocodone down with some black coffee.**



Blogger ablebody said...

i'll be ready for a nuclear attack, or a southeast ATL suicide bombing! as soon as i get two lightning bugs, an extra scarf, and three days of water. also, follow the links to FEMA-kids and talk to herman the spokescrab! they got the stepduck seal of approval!

11:43 AM  
Blogger ablebody said...

according to "what now" at fema-kids, states as far as NORTH DAKOTA were ok'd by the prez for Katrina evacatuation......(in best lewis black) blrurbrbbb-huh?!

11:46 AM  
Blogger maryk said...

>>herman the spokescrab!

I auditioned for that...

11:53 AM  
Blogger maryk said...

Is this the image they want in our minds of FEMA? A sentient, and frightened, airplane, smoking and ready to plummet?

11:56 AM  
Anonymous Skip Huffman said...

The daughter is clearly lesbian. This is the perfect republican family. Gay dad, stoned mom, lesbian daughter.

I am trying to convince dabunny to write some scripts for a three panel web comic using these charactors for clipart.

Starting with the experimental phase between Daddy and Joe Camel.

12:33 PM  
Blogger maryk said...

Yeah, JBL's email to me was noting both of your keen observations about the family. It's pretty spot on. But I can't really call what they did a waste of time, can i, if i'm wasting time writing about their waste of time. But then again, I'm not spending taxpayer money, or entrusted with anyone's security, much less the country's.

12:40 PM  
Anonymous Josie said...

I'm waiting for someone to complain because Purrcilla "is an even better climber, runner, and swimmer than her husband!"

It's not a complete waste as we got an awful lot of entertainment from it, but it's definitely overpriced.

We wondered too about those reptilian hummingbird wings. Maybe the illustrator grew up in the "Land of the Lost?"

And what's up with the stray unnamed owl and family? Maybe it's an illusion. S/he's only hovering in front of the family? portrait.

My word verification was "vigma" - that really ought to be a word. Maybe the female counterpart of "smegma."

Hugs, Josie

3:15 PM  
Blogger maryk said...

oooohhh. You know, I didn't even see the hummingbird in the family portrait. I assumed the "owl"-bat with the tits was the hummingbird, and they just drew another one for the info page.

4:06 PM  
Anonymous Skip Huffman said...

Vigma, it is a brand of billard balls. You have to see this image:

4:46 PM  
Blogger maryk said...

Now that would be one un-tasty martini. Or the tastiest. I don't know what you guys are into.

7:46 PM  
Anonymous Skip Huffman said...

No Buttini for me, thanks

10:51 AM  

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