Wise, my ass. They'll tear your eyes out when you're not looking.

last night i was awoken out of a deep sleep by an owl.
let me re-structure that sentence.
Last night, the hoot of a nearby owl woke me.
awoke me?
ahhh fuck it.
you get the point. i heard it, it wasn't shaking my shoulder, telling me i was late for work.

i jumped up in a second, cuz i knew one of my cats was still outside.
the skinnier, older one, Kiedis.
Gilbert? not sure an owl could fly off with. he's quite the fat ass, and thick thick thick fur.
I brought Kiedis in, no harm, no fOWL.

This is in contrast to one night when i thought i was awoken by the hoot of an owl, like 10 years ago, where i lived down on St. Augustine Pl.
My bed, and hence, my head, was right up against a door which in theory would open up onto the front porch. old house. lots of doors. lots of fireplaces. divided up for roommates, and it really wasn't set up for such. Point being, my head was basically a foot from whatever's on the front porch.
Back then, i don't even think i realized owls were birds of prey. or didn't worry a bit about the possibility of my cat being carried off by one.
Dead asleep.

I did that weird half-asleep/half-awake thing where i heard an owl hoot very close to my head, but then drifted back asleep.

I heard it again, and it brought me a little bit more out of sleep, but just to the point where i kind of made a giggling noise and thought to myself, "awww, an owl's outside on the porch."

Then, the hoot went, "hoooooo-hoooooo-hooo-accccchhh-caackleachhh!" (like, hack-cough-cough-weeze-cough-hack!)
i made the full transition in from sleep to wake in the next 4 seconds, i feel like i levitated, and said out loud, "Thaaaat's no owl!"
i get on the floor, and look out the curtains at the very bottom, and it's some old Allman-Brothers-looking bum, sitting at our little outdoor porch table, smoking a cigarette, and he's lit all of our little votive candles. just hanging out, smoking.

I called 9-1-1.
Explained to the police, there's a homeless guy, white, older, bearded, dirty, and he lit all of our candles on our porch.
had to repeat that one to them.
of course by the time the police got there, he had moved on.
Hooo knows where.