Wednesday, July 30, 2008

i smell sexy puppets

smells like rum and sawdust.
Rarely do we at The Doug Dank Project send out someone's life story - but this is way too interesting!
This week, Wednesday May 9th, we welcome Raymond Carr as our guest monologist. He is truly one of Atlanta's most interesting artists as you can see by his story.

home schooled by church clowns in the bowels of Los Angeles California, Raymond Carr has forged ahead to be come one of the top black puppeteers in the country!!! a good portion of Atlanta know him for his antics at dad's garage puppet slams and late night creepy horror theater and for his (taking himself waaayyy too seriously) avant garde crap at the center for puppetry arts, sprinkled in with a handful of kids shows every now and again, IF he can avoid it. and sometimes he likes to make movies with his company ninja puppet productions. and even more of Atlanta knows him for his insentient yammering about how he used to live in Iceland. 3 massive head wounds, cross country road trips in a puppet mobile, and straight edge living are the building?blocks of the raymond carr.
Hope to see you out!

~~~~~~~~Wednesday, 10pm, 5$~~~~~~~

Monday, July 28, 2008

I'm going on the record

if you're going to eat yogurt, you're not going to get a better one than Brown Cow yogurt.

you can try. sure. but...

and if you are having a soy yogurt, Silk is hard to beat.
possibly b/c there are fewer options.
but it's still damn good.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Graham Wagner, ladies and gentlemen

and Aaron Eves.
Many of you know Graham, but for those who don't, along with Becky Johnsonhe's one half of the Toronto Improv group Iron Cobra, which just has to be seen to be truly appreciated. Some of my favorite stuff i've ever seen. Let me edit that, their live, Iron Cobra shows are some of my favorite favorite stuff i've ever seen.

and here's just graham:

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Come see me at the La Quinta Inn Southside, Tuesdays at 7:30pm in August

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

world's grossest kabob

we have skewers in our kitchen drawer.
i didn't even know this until 3 days ago.
metal skewers, for kabobing, i guess?
i don't believe they've ever been used, until 3 days ago -- when i used one to fish a tick out of the toilet.

Happy Wednesday Night!


p.s. i did find a tick JUST slightly attached to me. please feel free to post comments that panic the ever-living shit out of me. i have told my doctor about the 'bite.' and it didn't look like a deer tick, at least not when it was water-logged and on the end of a skewer.

John Adams: The Mini Series Spoiler Alert!!!

he DIES?
I TOTALLY didn't see that coming.

I wonder if his son dies, too?
They don't say.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Dramaturgy sounds more like an adjective

and Dramaturg has always sounded to me like a monster that lurks in the wings of a theater on dark nights. a Dark Knight of Dark Nights, i guess.

Freddie Ashley will board the S.S. Doug Dank Project, and commandeer the helm, and pilfer--nay, purloin-- the emotional booty from the treasure chests of our hearts.

well, he'll be telling stories. stories that will inspire improv. which will inspire stories. which will inspire improv. ayyye, we're stuck in the swirling waters of the bermuda triangle! WHAT am i talking about? JEEEZus.

where: PushPush Theater, Decatur
When: Wednesday, July 23rd, 10pm
How much: ONLY $5!
Secret Deal: FREE COOKIES TO THE FIRST 2 Dozen or so people!

here's the official bio:

Freddie Ashley is Artistic Director of Actor's Express in Atlanta. He has directed the AE productions of Hedwig and the Angry Inch, When Something Wonderful Ends, dark play or stories for boys (Atlanta Journal-Constitution Top Ten of 2007), The Great American Trailer Park Musical, I Am My Own Wife (AJC Top Ten of 2007) and The Last Sunday in June. As an actor, he has appeared in AE’s productions of Burn This and Jane Eyre. Prior to joining Actor's Express, he was Literary Manager of the Alliance Theatre (recipient of the 2007 Regional Theatre Tony Award). Other directing credits include The Last Schwartz (Jewish Theatre of the South); A Man of No Importance (Theatre Gael – AJC Best Musical Revival of 2004); Lawrenceburg (World Premiere, Dad’s Garage – AJC Top Ten of 2006); and numerous shows with Aurora Theatre including Lend Me a Tenor, As It Is In Heaven, Moon Over Buffalo, Waving Goodbye, Wait Until Dark, Glorious (American Premiere) and Camelot. Freddie has worked as a dramaturg developing new plays at the Alliance, as well as the New York companies The New Group and Page 73 Productions. He has received the Elliott Hayes Award for Dramaturgy from the Literary Managers and Dramaturgs of the Americas and a first-ever Arts Encouragement Award from the Charles Loridans Foundation. Freddie is a cum laude graduate of Shorter College with a BFA in Theatre, holds an MFA in Performance from the University of Southern Mississippi and serves as an adjunct instructor at Kennesaw State University.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

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Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Wise, my ass. They'll tear your eyes out when you're not looking.

last night i was awoken out of a deep sleep by an owl.
let me re-structure that sentence.
Last night, the hoot of a nearby owl woke me.
awoke me?
ahhh fuck it.
you get the point. i heard it, it wasn't shaking my shoulder, telling me i was late for work.

i jumped up in a second, cuz i knew one of my cats was still outside.
the skinnier, older one, Kiedis.
Gilbert? not sure an owl could fly off with. he's quite the fat ass, and thick thick thick fur.
I brought Kiedis in, no harm, no fOWL.

This is in contrast to one night when i thought i was awoken by the hoot of an owl, like 10 years ago, where i lived down on St. Augustine Pl.
My bed, and hence, my head, was right up against a door which in theory would open up onto the front porch. old house. lots of doors. lots of fireplaces. divided up for roommates, and it really wasn't set up for such. Point being, my head was basically a foot from whatever's on the front porch.
Back then, i don't even think i realized owls were birds of prey. or didn't worry a bit about the possibility of my cat being carried off by one.
Dead asleep.

I did that weird half-asleep/half-awake thing where i heard an owl hoot very close to my head, but then drifted back asleep.

I heard it again, and it brought me a little bit more out of sleep, but just to the point where i kind of made a giggling noise and thought to myself, "awww, an owl's outside on the porch."

Then, the hoot went, "hoooooo-hoooooo-hooo-accccchhh-caackleachhh!" (like, hack-cough-cough-weeze-cough-hack!)
i made the full transition in from sleep to wake in the next 4 seconds, i feel like i levitated, and said out loud, "Thaaaat's no owl!"
i get on the floor, and look out the curtains at the very bottom, and it's some old Allman-Brothers-looking bum, sitting at our little outdoor porch table, smoking a cigarette, and he's lit all of our little votive candles. just hanging out, smoking.

I called 9-1-1.
Explained to the police, there's a homeless guy, white, older, bearded, dirty, and he lit all of our candles on our porch.
had to repeat that one to them.
of course by the time the police got there, he had moved on.
Hooo knows where.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

not in the habit of getting my news from Dagmar Midcap...

...but, i guess i could if i watched any newscaster or reporter in apparently any movie, ever.

i found myself watching the movie version of the D. C. Sniper story, called "D. C. Sniper: 23 Days of Fear."
it's exactly as good as you think it would be...
But, i'd forgotten how they caught them, so i kept watching. Then i thought......tha hell??!! Is THAT DAGMAR MIDCAP, Canadian-born, now-local meteorologist, with a name like a mutual fund, playing that reporter??

well, yes. yes it was. and apparently she has been 'acting' for years.
maybe not the greatest range in the business:
MXP: Most Xtreme Primate (2003) (V) .... Katie
Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch (2002) (V) .... Teacher

she's got to be getting some residuals from all that shit, and she just finished a movie that will come out next year, playing--yep--a newsanchor. and she can't spring for a photo on
kitty? please....

Here's an article, with picture, about Dagmar Midcap taking over as meteorologist on Channel 46 News.

The first two reader comments:
*Nice boobs!
*Nice cans

Some of the subsequent comments:
*Didn’t Dagmar do Naked News for a while? If she hasn’t - she should! Nice juggs!
*Nice of the photographer to purposely take a side shot to show off her knockers…
*gotta admit, Dagmar is HOTTT. nice rack!!

If you're ever driving up I-75, there's a big billboard with her face, with "DAGMAR" next to it.
She just popped onto the tv right now!

you guys?

she's everywhere.
she's like the rachael ray of fake and/or fluff news and weather.
and look at those cans!...

not in the habit of getting my news from the weather channel

but, this is pretty amazing.

i'd actually heard something about it before, but here's a LINK
to a story about a lady who makes purses and hats out of used grocery (plastic) bags.

oh. well, now that i google, there seems to be multiple sites for people doing this.

here's a picture of one.
and here's another picture:

and here's a step by step process of doing it yourself. which i won't be doing. (just learned how to sew a button onto something....)

i still like the first weather channel story, i guess b/c she's a more sympathetic character. don't read anything into that. or do.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Anyone know anyone in atlanta fitting this type?

a male in their 50's who has:

-Suffered a heart attack
-Gotten in better shape
-Uses Lipitor
-And can read copy

if so, let me know, quickly. they could make a loooottt of money. it's for a commercial.


Thursday, July 03, 2008

2 thoughts, completely unrelated

1) i'm not sure anybody living above the poverty level should ever wear a cowboy hat.

2) the description "round-faced nurses" might be an interesting way to describe nurses, like, in a novel, or short story. or maybe "round-faced nurses, with their feathered bangs." something like that. sure, it's a generalization, and kind of demeaning, but, fuck it.