Wednesday, November 29, 2006

It's Danno's B-day today!

give him some love.

I almost feel bad for him.

Because of this picture.

I mean the turkey.

On the right.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


is that right?

here's a little added incentive for coming to The Doug Dank Project tomorrow (Wednesday) night.

Kim wants to bring awareness to, and destroy, the mysterious disease that killed her beloved husband Joseph Scoren on August 9, 2005. If you would like to see Joseph's IMDB

Kim can't think of a more perfect way to honor him, Joseph was an amazingly talented actor who LOVED comedy. So she says let's raise the roof, fill the theater with love and laughter, and help save lives. For more info or to donate go to-

Beautiful oil paintings donated by Jason Seabolt are going to be
auctioned starting at 9:30pm. Proceeds will be donated to The
Foundation for Sarcoidosis Research.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Kim Wall and the Dankness of it all - Redux

Kim's portrait was so popular the first go-round, i'm bringing it back for her encore performance as Monologist for The Doug Dank Project!

This Wednesday, November 29th (Dan T's Birthday, as well, btw) Kim Wall is back!
I remember telling you not to miss it. And a lot of you didn't. It was a great show! But some of you did.
Why don't all of you kiss and make up and come to Push Push Theatre a little before 10pm for a cheap-ass bargain-o-the-century 45 minute, $10* long-form improv show with true-stories from actress/model/comedienne Kim Wall. Her breasts MAY be available for a Q & A after the show.**

Here's her bio from the Doug Dank website:
Kim began her film career as a teen in Sleep Away Camp III (1989) who dies a gruesome death by dropping from the top of a flagpole.

In The Dukes of Hazzard (2005), Kim is a masculine redneck State Trooper.

In Glory Road (2005), Kim portrays a high falutin Kentucky socialite. (on camera for 5 whole seconds WEEE! )

* Show's usually $5, but this is the last installment of the Danksgiving month of shows with proceeds going to the monologist's charity of choice---Kim's is the Foundation for Sarcoidosis Research

**Kim's breasts will not answer your questions. I'm 99.98% sure.


at kroger, today, an older employee was in the frozen foods section--sitting on a small step ladder/stool, staring intently into the fish sticks cooler.
not moving. a little slack-jawed, but very focused.
so focused, it seemed he thought the ultimate life answers were in there.
I even circled around once to see if he'd moved.
windex was sitting there, too.
and paper towels.
but they weren't being used.

everything must've been crystal ball clear.

or he has a rich fantasy life with Mrs. Paul.

What do you think?

puns welcome.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Isn't it great

when you say to someone who's just had someone they love die, "I know she's in a better place," and you don't even believe in heaven or an afterlife, it was just the only thing you could think of that was hopeful in the least?
In a better place: In the ground. Not in a bed, breathing.
I guess that's what religion is for. That is the singular best argument for religion. Hope among desperation.
And better to say something? Rather than nothing at all?
I think so.
I hope so.


The Holidays Suck.

Friday, November 24, 2006


Sketchworks Comedy Show:

"Favorites from the 2005 holiday show plus a sackful of new stuff. You fruitcakes come and we'll make your spirits bright!

Dates: Fridays & Saturdays, November 24th - December 9th, 8pm, PLUS a
5pm Matinee Sunday, December 3rd

Tickets: $15 (Call 404-499-8181 to reserve) or $13 purchased online!

Location: The Sketchworks Theatre, 3041 N Decatur Rd, Scottdale
(DECATUR) 30079"

Brian Bremer, Jeffrey Charlton and Jen Kelley have been very supportive of Doug Dank. In fact, Brian and Jen have been monologists, and i believe Jeffrey will be one in December, and Jen drops by for an encore.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Happy Danksgiving!

(photo by Stacey Bode)

This Wednesday at The Doug Dank Project is Carol Mitchell, big-time, long-time local actress (stage and film) and director. Her charity of choice for Doug Dank is Hosea Williams' Feed the Hungry. If you're in Atlanta, I know you know about it. If you're not in Atlanta and able to come to the show, please consider making an easy and secure donation for their HUGE Thanksgiving dinner for the homeless. They are in need, as are the people they are trying to help.
If you are going to be in Atlanta for Thanksgiving, please please consider coming to this show. It's a great way to make a donation, without even really feeling like it's just giving $$. You get a great show as well.
10 pm
Push Push Theatre!
PLEASE REPOST or email your friends.

Carol is currently serving as Interim Chair for the Department of Speech Communication and Theatre Arts at Clark Atlanta University. As a professional actor and director, she has appeared in over 25 productions and has directed 10 shows. She is a member of Equity Actor's Association and the Atlanta Coalition of Theatres. Carol has been the recipient of "Best Actress" awards from the critics of Atlanta Journal and Constitution, Creative Loafing and Saturday Papers. She has received the Jenny's "Best Director" awards for "Mahalia" and "Raisin in the Sun".

Her film credits include "Diary of a Mad Black Woman", "Fried Green Tomatoes", "My Life in Idlewild", "White Lies", "Queen", "Juwanna Man", "Getting Out" and "Mama Flora's Family". She has served on the board of Actor's Express, Atlanta Bureau of Cultural Affairs, and National Kidney Foundation. She was recently awarded "Best Director" for the play "Mahalia" by the Suzi Awards (Atlanta's Awards in Theatre).

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Everybody, Everybody, Everybody, Everybody

to the limit!

Matt Chapman, co-creator of the, i'll go ahead and say WILDLY popular Homestar Runner (if you don't know, you better go axe somebod-ay), will be the guest monologist for The Doug Dank Project this Wednesday night at Push Push Theatre in Decatur.

This is Matt's second time as monologist, but this time all of the proceeds from the show will go towards the charity of Matt's choice--which is The Southeastern Brain Tumor Foundation.

This month, tickets are $10. Still a bargain. Seriously.

As always, there will be beer and snacks, which will include cookies. and popcorn. and other things.

10 pm!
Wednesday night!
Please pass this info along or feel free to link to this page.

If you're looking for a shortcut to coolville, this is it.

~~~~~~~~Next week, Carol Mitchell (great actress and director here in Atlanta) will be the monologist, raising money for Hosea Williams' "Feed The Hungry"
Even if you can't make it to this show (or even if you can!) please consider giving at their website to help feed Thanksgiving dinner to the homeless of Atlanta. I did!~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunday, November 12, 2006

When people are laughing, they're generally not killing one another

Thank you, Alan Alda.

I probably won't kill anybody on Thursday night.
You shouldn't either.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

So I don't carry a gun because I don't want the people of Mayberry to fear a gun. I'd rather they respect me.

Andy Griffith sues Andy Griffith. Guy in Wisconsin changed his name to "Andy Griffith" to try to win an election for Sheriff.

Actually...uh, the tv sheriff's name was Sheriff Andy Taylor. ....
"'For such an American icon, it's a pretty un-American thing to do to me,' said Griffith, who has about three weeks to respond to the filing."

Well, dude, I can hardly think of a more American way to deal with it.

And-- the guy lost. Pretty badly.

Way to go, Matlock! This is important!

The ex-husband was still at large

SAO PAULO, Brazil (AP) -- A Brazilian woman who was shot six times in the head after an altercation with her ex-husband was out of the hospital and talking to the media on Saturday.

"I know this was a miracle," 21-year-old housewife Patricia Goncalves Pereira told Globo TV. "Now I just want to extract the bullets and live my life."

...they were lodged under her SCALP?!

Thursday, November 09, 2006


Dan and I are auditioning, together, tomorrow morning for this spot:

My husband was like a rock… woman on stool in studio with

black background and dramatic

lighting on face.

strong and determined… Cut to wide shot of her and her

husband sitting side-by-side. (He’s

very unassuming.)

I knew I could always count on him… Cut to profile of him.

until the drinking took over. Cut back to couple.

It was even stronger than he was. Cut to head-on shot of her.

And it was tearing our lives apart. Start creep-zoom in on her.

Because, as hard as he tried, Super close-up of her.

he couldn’t get me to stop. She looks straight into camera.

Thank goodness he finally called Dissolve back to couple as she

Bradford, and found the help takes his hand.

I needed.


Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Do you hate Animals?

Then you should probably come to Doug Dank on Wednesday!
Here's what Andisheh Nouraee--much-loved, smart and funny writer for Creative Loafing--has to say about Doug Dank THIS WEDNESDAY:

"I will once again be the guest monologist for the Doug Dank Project improv show this Wednesday night, November 9, at 10 P.M. All door proceeds will be donated to Animal Action Rescue, a local non-profit that rescues abandoned and abused dogs and cats.

The Doug Dank Project is a long-form, experimental improv comedy show performed each Wedsnesday night at Push Push Theater in Decatur. I've seen the show about six times and absolutely love it."

Andisheh Nouraee has been a data entry clerk at health insurance company, a door-to-door vinyl siding and window sales appointment scheduler, an all-around helper at a property tax consulting firm, a receptionist, a furniture chain-store cashier help-desk operator, a commercial real estate public relations agent, a wedding photographer, an Arthritis Foundation brochure mailer, a television theme-song singer, a radio-talk show co-host, a Brazilian beauty pagaent judge (non-paying), and a drum machine programmer.
Click for more info and the schedule for the rest of the "Danksgiving" November charity Dank shows.

and Here for directions, etc.

~~~~~~~And.....oh my, next week: Matt Chapman, co-creator of Homestar Runner~~~~~~~~~

Sunday, November 05, 2006

If you have no hay penny then god bless you

f-ing holidays are coming. this realization, like a glass of cold acid in the face, came to me while re-reading an old email a friend wrote after a trip home to visit the ole folks.
Put this in your back pocket to pull out when you think you're going to stab a relative in the eye with a a shiv made of stuffing.
Yes I said stuffing! It could work. No it couldn't. But i'm not changing it now. I'm fond of it. And this story (i just turned into albert brooks there for a second):

"I went home to Utah for the long 4th of July weekend and got pretty worn out trying, and failing, to tap dance around all the stuff you can't say around devout Mormons. The innocent discussion of DNA and the mapping of the human genome and what I just read about what scientists now know about human migration patterns because of DNA was an absolute train wreck. I had totally forgotten (can't believe I did, but I did) that saying that DNA science is sure that all humans came out of East Africa in the beginning, would cause no end of trouble. The Garden of Eden was in Jackson Country, MO! God revealed that fact to Joseph Smith! God! The word of GOD! Also, I had forgotten that DNA mapping has confirmed what anthropologists had long theorized--that American Indians are originally (waaaaaay back) of Asian origin, having migrated to the American continents via the ice bridge that existed between Alaska and Russia during the ice age. This is a BIG problem for the Mormon Church because the Book of Mormon (the Word of God!) says that the Indians are Jews who fled Jerusalem in, umm, 70 AD, I think and traveled to the New World by ship. Jews. They sure look Jewish, don't they? Don't know if you knew that about the Book of Mormon. There's lots more crazy where that came from. "
Hope she don't mind me putting that here. I didn't mention no names.

Friday, November 03, 2006

NBC refusing to air something disparaging?

That must be a new policy.

NBC refuses to air ads for the Dixie Chicks' new documentary "Shut up and Sing" because:
“NBC’s commercial clearance department said in writing that it ‘cannot accept these spots as they are disparaging to President Bush.’”

Thursday, November 02, 2006

I hope that helps

The advice column is up. Not sure how often it will be updated. Realize the full potential and worth of your lady business down there.