The noise a scorpion makes in your pants, where it's safe

The noise a scorpion makes in your hand, when you're holding it wrong.

These things you will learn on today's episode of Simpson and Snatch: Houseboat Party.
Poor little Li'l Weirdo and his weird little scorpion.
(go to Switchworks.tv to catch up on past episodes. We think last week was pretty funny. But that's us. )

Jeremiah VS. Doug Dank: REDUX

Jeremiah is BACK! As the monologist for the long-form improv show, The Doug Dank Project, tomorrow, Wednesday AUGUST 1?!!?
August 1?? Really??
Man oh man. August 1. Guess it is.

Here's my bio post from his last appearance:
Jeremiah is Producer, Writer, Sound Designer, Sound Recordist, Editor, and General Funny Guy of Media v. Media. He was also sound designer on the local Sundance hit "The Signal."

BUT, I think the only thing with which i'm really gonna sell this doug dank is this:

DAVE VS. JEREMIAH

Masterpiece.

The specifics are as usual and as follows:


Push Push
Wednesday
10pm
$5
long form improv fueled by the true life stories of a guest monologist EVERY WEEK.

Cheap beer and wine and sodas and whatnot.

Jeeeeeeeeeeeeez, try to beat this.

A Photo Every Day

Not mine, god no.
but stacey bode's thank the maker.
She's doing this 365 project on flickr.

This is my favorite so far, but you should check out the rest of them, and also her website, and her photo blog.

She just keeps improving at an exponential rate on something that was already great .
All under the cloak (and oppressive hours) of a day job as a scientist. I guess that explains why i haven't seen her in months!

I believe i recognize this masked bandit from a similar facial impression on fabric:
sorry jen, used this without permission, even though it was all rights reserved. don't sue? thaaaanks.

Wow.

Found this little piece of something i wrote i'm guessing a couple years (EDIT: i meant couple months) after my mom died. I'm referring to the Righteous Room, where I used to work.

The first customer to show up-- whether it’s Bobby the Budweiser drinking stroke-victim at 10:30, or the early bird of the smiling, slumming, chatter-face office lunch people at 11:28-- they all get a scowl.

Well, I try not to scowl at Bobby too much. Bobby and I have history. Bobby's sweet. I’ve called 911 for Bobby before. I’ve thought him to be dead 4 feet away from me. Gone ahead and made the mental adjustments you have to make to be able to deal with a dead human that close to you. Close or far. The same basic adjustments need to be made. The mental stuff sure starts up faster when they’re 4 feet away from you, drueling death onto the coveted 6-top in the window, Table #1.

But just about anyone else gets a scowl and sometimes a (sometimes audible) groan.

Fuck you.

Fuck you for coming in here. Fuck you for needing so many god damn things for one god damn lunch. Fuck you for tipping 15% on a $12 tab you ran me all around the goddamn restaurant for. Fuck you for how my life sucks.

Staring down wastes of space lushes, who spend their time staring out of a dark bar into the light, with rotting teeth, in a wheelchair, practically wishing they were dead. Sorry, charlies, if I could, I’d throw you under a train to get my mom back, who wanted to live more than you could ever want to die. The terrible thing is you have plenty of great reasons to be miserable. But how can so many death wishes not be able to be traded for a little more time here for the living?

*whew*

Most of those people are most likely dead now, too.
I know Bobby is.
He died while I was still working there, but not WHILE I was working there, not AT the bar.

An evening with Ken Burns at The Rialto

Another installment I imagine similar to the one i went to for Francis Ford Coppala.

From an email from WPBA in Atlanta

Reserve Your Ticket Today for An Evening with Ken Burns
Tuesday, August 7, 7 PM

In September, "The War: A Film By Ken Burns" premieres on PBS stations nationwide, and Georgia Public Broadcasting and Public Broadcasting Atlanta are offering audiences a special sneak preview! Filmmaker Ken Burns will join us at the Rialto Center for the Arts on August 7. The event is free, but seating is limited and reservations are required. To reserve your ticket, call (inside Atlanta) The Rialto at 404-413-9849 or (outside Atlanta) 1-800-222-4788 through August 1st!

Food, Shelter, Clothing

Proof that we need more?

art imitates life there at the end, i'm afraid, though.
Or, i have a feeling the "lady" may have insisted upon that in her contract...

Wizard People, Dear Reader!!!

Via: Thom from [adult swim]
This Saturday, Brad Neely (who wrote/performed that awesome George Washington cartoon i posted here before) will be performing his classic “Wizard People, Dear Reader” live at the 5 Spot. If you’re not familiar with WPDR, it is basically Brad replacing the original audio to the first Harry Potter movie and adding his own narration and dialogue. Almost like a live version of Mystery Science Theater. You can see sample of a pre recorded version at youtube by searching for “Wizard People, Dear Reader” and you can download the entire version at http://www.illegal-art.org/video/wizard.html The show is free. We’ll be showing pre-show cartoons at 6 and the film will start at 7.

I'm planning on going.

the washington thing deserves to be posted again:

Doug Dank buys a Blood Car from Mike Brune

The star of BloodCar, Mike Brune, will be at The Doug Dank Project telling tales, spinning yarns, and just generally being dreamy.
If you always wanted to know, here's some info -Mike Brune is thin, a bad liar, a loving son, a soon-to-be-godfather, a famous grocery bagger, a Braves fan, a movie lover, a bicyclist, a filmmaker, and an improviser/actor.? He belongs to the film collective Fake Wood Wallpaper and he can be seen being peed on in the award-winning film Blood Car.

The Doug Dank Project
long form improv based on the stories of a guest monologist every week.
Push Push Theater
Wednesday
10pm
$5
Buy a button for only a $1 at the door!

chortle claustrophobia animosity

artemis bile, alkene coarsen chateaux, aloha backtrack. adjudge bromide dog dehydrate bizet beseech boredom. amende consumptive awe careen aventine animadversion collet apparitionbrace coastal comptroller deforestation. besmirch ban also bade cacti bradley collie

spam?
code?

bright idea

Easy Bake made Easier.
and deadlier.

"the model affected by this recall was the first one that uses a heating element rather than a light bulb as a cooking element"

for reasons you don't need to know

I googled the phrase "why are parrots always shitting on things".

what came back was:
Did you mean: "why are carrots always shitting on things"

i laughed.
then i stopped.
maybe i do.

Your search - "why are carrots always shitting on things" - did not match any documents.

I read a mocking tone into the quotes and bold type.
assholes.

Imposers

by the way, last night's doug dank was in the top best 3 of them all.
it was such a FUN show.
excellent.

Now, more importantly....
Imitation can be flattering.
But we're just pissed.

jiggle jams and puddin cups

From ATTRACTIVE EIGHTIES WOMEN:
we're headlining the first annual "Support Our Poops" show this Thursday, July 19 at the EARL! This is the biggest show we've ever booked, so we really need everyone to come out and show your support for the 80's ladies! Invite your friends! Invite your co-workers! Invite your AA sponsor! Invite everyone you know, because this is gonna be one for the books. We'll be playing all our chart topping hits, along with some newer material.

To add to the rock, we've booked three other great bands to play with us: Fox Trotsky (ATL punk rock from Alaska Records - http://myspace.com/foxtrotsky), Three Dog Stevens (comedy side project from the members of Y-O-U - http://myspace.com/threedogstevens) and Insane-O-Flex (Featured on the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie soundtrack - http://myspace.com/insaneoflexband). The music starts at 9:30 PM sharp and you won't want to miss a single second of Insane-O-Flex's jiggle jams and puddin' cups! Trust me on this one.

BONUS NEWS: The first 40 people through the door get FREE Adult Swim action figures! That's right! For only a $5 cover charge you'll get to see 4 kick ass bands and get free toys! What more could you possibly ask for? How about free food? Do you like delicious food? Do you like waffles? What about chicken AND waffles? Of course you do! Do you like ding dongs (of both the hostess and genital variety?)? Well, then you might be in for an added treat as well! So get off your ass and support our poops this Thursday!

As always, we'll have free stickers and t-shirts for sale for the cheap-as-free price of $10. If you haven't bought a t-shirt yet, be sure and grab one at this show. Frankly, we need the money! Because...

ATTRACTIVE EIGHTIES WOMEN WILL BE RECORDING AN ALBUM IN AUGUST! That's right, all your favorite AEW tunes will soon be immortalized on COMPACT DISC and MP3! But this shit ain't free. We need some cold hard cash to get this done and every t-shirt you buy will help us tremendously. We'll be announcing more news about the album in the very near future, so keep up with all the AEW news at our website: http://attractiveeightieswomen.com/

See you all on Thursday!

Mack AKA Phoebe Cates
Charismatic frontman
Attractive Eighties Women

Rainy Days and Mondays

how bout that production value??

i said, you guys!

triskaidekaphobia \tris-ky-dek-uh-FOH-bee-uh\, noun:

A morbid fear of the number 13 or the date Friday the 13th.

Here's an oldie, that's only related to this via my constant confusion between Jason from fri. 13th and Michael Myers from Halloween. It's a short film i did YEARS AGO (read young, skinny) with dave willis and matt maeillaro (for no real reason other than fun) about what Michael Myers does on his Day Off. Matt had a MM doll he bought on ebay, and a bunch of real-looking fake guns, so we frightened Virginia-Highlands for a day. Ablebody, you'll notice your old place of employ, and your former co-worker, Tom. Super nice guy.

...why are all of these embedded players too big for blogger?!

Day Off

Posted Jun 06, 2001

Taste the Future.

you guys!

Slampsberg, USA's own John Babcock!

I met John Babcock through an ad in Creative Loafing.
Nooo, not what you're thinking...
It was a personal ad.
Nooo, it was through a post looking for sketch comedy writers/performers.
I answered, and sent some questionable writing samples, and to my surprise got a response.
To my great fortune, John Babcock was on the other end of the line.
Fittingly enough, our first meeting was at The Old Spaghetti Factory. On Ponce de Leon.
Weird!
We ate, talked, got along, it was really weird.
Cuz we were at The Old Spaghetti Factory! On Ponce!

Ever since then, he and i and a number of comedy people (including his funny wife, Amy!) who get along famously have been working together ever since.
Our current projects include Slampsberg, USA (sketch), Simpson and Snatch: Houseboat Party (a daily videoblog) and a number of short films through Lighthog Films.
John has worked with The Comedy Dogs, Laughing Matters, Dad's Garage Theatre; he's been a radio dj; and is currently a 9 to 5'er at Bank of America. They don't know how lucky they are to have him.
He's honestly one of the very funniest people i've ever met. he's a great character actor/comedian. But a super nice, super "regular" guy. Even though he likes Buffalo, NY a little too much for my taste.
The Doug Dank Project!
Push Push in Decatur.
Wednesday.
10pm-11pm
$5

For those still reading, and who know my beau Dan T., how's this for weird: We're talking one day, with John, and Dan says he grew up in Rochester and Buffalo, NY. He mentions his McMullen relatives in Buffalo. John tells us, hey, his family knew McMullens in Buffalo, growing up. Dan: My uncle Bill had a dentist practice there. John: My dad worked for Bill McMullen's dentist practice! Wow. Small world. Hope i didn't just give away one of his stories for Wednesday....
Act like you've never heard that before.

I have been romanced by crackers

the sirens have used fancy packaging and various herbage to entice me.

let it be known, there was never anything wrong with triscuits and wheat thins.

(i'm whispering: and their generic counterparts)

they are delicious.

and probably will soon be "retro."

and priced twice as high.

then they'll lose me again.

"101 Ways to Slam a Door"

This is Gush Party's very funny working title for Tyler Perry's House of Payne.

I slipped up and didn't tell anyone about the episode i was on last night.
Maybe you saw it.
I'm guessing if you weren't in the actual room with me, and if you read this blog, you probably did not see it.
But i was a social worker, very much the 'straight man' in this episode.
I don't do straight man so much.
It was alright.
What it said was "i am just trying to get through this. quickly, and fairly believably."
I sort of met that goal.
sort of.
episode's called "father knows best" or something like that. ?
awwwwwdip. just found this. watch it online!
jump to part 3 to skip right to my scene....
damn that sounds terrible. but, well. ...
Dan was in it, too. playing a persnickety photographer.
think he's towards the middle/end of part 3.
one of his two lines was cut. awwww.
brian bremer was the mayor's aide.
he had a really funny moment with a purse, but i bet nobody will ever notice.

Doug Dank loves this country.

and blowing things up.
and drinking adult beverages while blowing things up.
so he and the whole group are taking this wednesday off to drink adult beverages and blow things up.
He encourages you to do the same!
(responsibly, of course)

So meet us back at Push Push next Wednesday to welcome John Babcock as monologist!



more details on him next week! (Preview: he is one of the most naturally and innately funny people i've ever met. And I've met a lot of them.)

Sponsored Link on Myspace

one of the odder ones i've seen:

David Sedaris Ringtones

Get David Sedaris ringtones instantly! No credit card required.

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Specs

from an audition notice:

Toll Both Collector, Female 25-35, any ethnicity: Dale drives through a toll booth with cable loaded on his pickup truck. Just do an improv with them. Maybe something like. Dale pulling up and she takes the money. Dale: Can I get a receipt? Toll: Of course. There you go sir. Have a nice day, now.


I exspecs this will be pretty brilliant.