Friday, September 30, 2005

The Dame, KY

I'm partial owner of a music venue in Lexington, KY called The Dame. Yeah, I know. Huh? It's sort of an Echo Lounge-type-o-place, gets some indie-tour bands, which I'd llike to see it book more of. Holds about 400 people. Couple bars, some tables and booths, you get the idea. Click on the picture above and check out the site.
We've recently had a booking agent/general manager switch (oh my goooood lord, the drama), and I'm not sure they're getting all the "cool" bands they could/should. It's right near the UofK campus, so the potential is huge for it to be really popular. I'm trying to compile a list of bands to suggest to the guy to try to contact and persuade to come to The Dame, esp. bands who might already be touring through Louisville. I'm sure he's aware of almost anybody I'd offer, but my friends are much hipper than me.
Any suggestions of favorites?
Clunky is always promoting really cool bands that I've never heard of on his site. For instance, one he mentioned just recently is "Clap your hands say yeah," whose Oct. 15th show at The Earl is apparently already sold out. They sound perfect, but I notice they're only going to Louisville on their tour.

I thought some of the people who read this occasionally might have some bands they'd like to promote/suggest?

Let a sista know.

I'd also like to go up there to the place sometime relatively soon, so if anybody wanna make a roadtrip of debauchery when there's a good or interesting band playing...

...let a sista know that, too.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Careful what you wish for, dig?

Acting jobs have been, let's say, elusive and illusive lately. Thus, I'm broke. I don't even have the excuse of there BEING no auditions, or no jobs, rather--I've been going on auditions, plenty of them, using up headshots (that need to be updated, as soon as I can afford them, which I can't do til I can afford a good haircut) and getting more photos printed which costs money in and of itself.

Then this week everything just got tossed in a giant turd fire which was Wednesday/Thursday. Early Wed. morning--a job at Chik-fil-a HQ as a pathetic woman applying for a job---she wants to quit her current job at McDoogan's (?) nights/weekends for a day schedule at Chik-fil-a (?) to get away from working with teenagers who get on her nerves and make her lose her temper. The whole thing is to train new store operators in how to interview potential employees. They don't know we're actors, and most don't figure it out til the reveal at the end, where they sometimes give us a...standing ovation....
Here's a small sample:
"I see here you like to read, Alice, what do you like to read?"
"Magazines. People, Us, that kind of thing. And the bible. Oh, and there's this great writer named Mary Kraft, have you heard of her? No? You will." (I seriously say this)
Just once I'd love to actually say, "Brian Greene's 'The Fabric of the Cosmos: Space, Time and The Texture of Reality.' What are you reading?"

"Do you have any questions for us?"
"Yeah, do I have to pay for my uniform?"

"I see here you worked at Dairy Queen for 4 years. Tell me about some things that you considered challenges on your shifts."
"Well, for starters, the peanut buster parfait is a real nut-cranker" -- i don't say this, but it's just about that bad. "The teeeenagers really are ----well, they're hard to keep focused and they just--- get on my nerves."

Really sad, Alice Greenly, with her GED and typing/clerical certificate from Broward Vo Tech. Poor girl. It's a little easier to do now that I smartened her up just a bit, made her a closet lesbian, and justify her lack of education as stemming from her having to stay at home to attend to an ill parent during high school, and her siblings are all good-for-nothings (non-Christians)....fucking teenagers!

But that was Wednesday that started at 6:30am. Then off to two auditions, spur of the moment. Neither are things I really want--one being a live trade show that lasts 4 days, including one of those party-walk-around meet-and-greets that steal actors' souls.
Of course I hear today that it's down to me and one other person for this. Of course.
Broke and bitching about work. Charming.

The second one is a local low-budget SAG film for a part of a girl whose father molested her. Holla. Lovely.

Then I drive up to Duluth for an industrial for a Target anti-union video---starting at 10:00PM. At 4:30 I get finished. Which means getting to sleep at 5:30 AM. Then getting up at 7:00AM to go to a shoot for some ad or something for some new damn all baby programming channel at 8:00AM. Finish about noon, then off to another audition for something I'd like to do, a simple enough commercial that pays well--and I have a stupid awful audition because my brain is sloshing around in my skull at this point. Broke and bitching about auditions. Awesome.

It's 11:30 PM, and I've now had 1 1/2 hours sleep in like 41 hours. And I'm typing this stupid crap in here, my makeup from today, smeared on my eyes.

God knows, I need the money, but going a while without work---I hate the desperate feeling I get, and the slightly unctious way I start talking to the agents, and my overly anxious way of accepting any damn job that comes my way, even if it means staying up for 41 hours.

Maybe I'll go back to school and be an archaeologist? Do some digging. That sounds good right about now. Dig?

"Political Test"

You know, just for whatever. This one's from, though, so take it with a jug of salt---one of those online answer-these-inherently-flawed-and-skewed-questions-and-we'll-evaluate-your-political-
beliefs things.They'll even plot your stance out on an axis, now there's some old-timey American gumption and know-how.
Thanks to Josie and Skip for the quiz location.
For what it's worth, here are my results, sans axes or cross-sectional graphs:
Social Liberal
(78% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(18% permissive)

You are best described as a:


Yikes. Hope my family doesn't find out. My niece already slapped me in the face with the belt of her robe when she found out I voted for Kerry.
She's 6.
Her sister stood up, pointed to the door and said, "Get out!"
She's 10.

Boy oh hoooey do I dislike my brother and sister-in-law sometimes.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Burt Reynolds done lost his got-dammm mind.

Well, on second thought, I guess he's always been a little fucked up. But don't take my word for it, just ask Loni.

But in 2003, he went from closet violence to putting it on a stage. Literally. Sean Daniels and Lucky Yates of Dad's Garage Theatre were hosting the Gala Awards Ceremony to launch the IMAGE Film and Video's Atlanta Film Festival of that year. As comic emcees, as I understand it, they made a comment or 10 about a number of things/celebrities, but apparently one they made about Keanu Reeves and Brad Pitt just hit Burt the wrong way. So he decided he needed to hit something the right way. When Burt took the stage, he attacked the PUPPET, Phineas J. Monkey that Lucky was puppeteering, and began punching and choking it. As Keith Hooker says, that's 10 lbs of crazy in a 5 lb. bag.

So, just recently, he slapped a CBS news producer in the face,
on camera, on the red carpet at the New York screening for the
remake of The Longest Yard.

Weirder than all that is a page I ran across while looking for a Burt
Reynolds picture. Celebrity recipes on Frank DeCaro's website. Of particular interest is Liberace's
Sticky Buns, Dinah Shore's Red Snapper, and Bea Arthur's Good Morning Mushroom-Tomato Toast. Burt's is a Beef Stew, complete with a "few dashes MSG." Side effects of MSG include headaches, nausea, flushing, abdominal pain and asthma, occurring from one to 14 hours after ingestion. Oddly enough, I've experienced some of the same effects just MINUTES after watching many Burt Reynolds movies. (ba-doom boom)

Some of the recipes are pun-laden, in bold, according to the celebrity and their particular character-traits or lifestyles (see Rock Hudson's Cannoli), then others that you'd imagine would and should be descirbed the same way are not, like Rosie O'Donnell's Marshmallow Mud Squares, Paul Lynde's Diet Waffles, Vanna White's Layered Pea Salad, Rip Taylor's Roll-Ups, and Frank De Caro's Head Cookies--which is just about its own punchline.

I can't stress enough how odd this last recipe page is, and how much you should look at it.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Big Lots -- redundant?

I don't know where the name came from, and I even took the time to try to google it. It used to be called Odd Lots, so not sure which is the stranger name.
I love Big Lots, except the checkout lines. You just have to make sure you're not in a hurry or a bad mood, because things will just go downhill fast if you are either.

I especially love that there are things in Big Lots that you have never seen in any other store. And never will.
The merchandise comes from manufacturers or vendors who reduce inventory as a result of package changes, canceled orders, product discontinuation or test-marketed products.
Marketing failures. I love it! The shelves at Big Lots serve as a reminder of poorly thought-through, awful ideas that groups of idiotic people sat around and got paid to think up.
This is going to be a list that I'd like to add to as I experience more of these oddities at Big Lots.

.A Nascar lighter, shaped like a car, but with candy in it, too--AND it's a keychain!
.Hair coloring conditioner, this is the stuff that "may cause blindness," and that requires the use of gloves (not included) and plastic cap (not included, not even sold separately) sold in the shampoo/conditioner section in a regular bottle. (I know this because I bought it and was using it in the shower, decided to read the back, and screamed, as it was running into my eyes and staining/stinging my hands)
.A box of Clearance items containing underwear and candy bars.

.Underwear. In the box with the candy bars. Aaand a candy bar. Only did that once, and they're not as good as the Big Lots bras, but man are they cheap. Great for those one-use needs and tear-away prop undies. They're also wonderful dipped in caramel for Halloween. What?
.Bras -- awesome! had them for years. And at $3.99, I couldn't afford NOT to buy them.
.Ethnic and Religious Greeting Cards -- at rock bottom prices. They're hilarious and great for any occasion.
.A box of Betty Crocker Gingerbread Mix that I think I thought was Betty Crocker choosing a "retro" box design, which was really just a really old box of gingerbread mix. That was funny. tasting.

.Scooby Douche
.Lil' Fingers brand Baby's First Personal Massager
.Do-it-yourself Home Chiropractic Kit
.Kim Possible brand hammock/Vietnamese spin-fuck chair
.Jergen's lotion - melonoma scented (misprint)(Discontinued)
.Power Puff Girls' Novelty Insulin Monitor
.Dr. Scholl's Victoria Principal gel cheek inserts
.Burt's Bees

Feel free to add your own here in the comments section....

"Give 'em a hand!"

"Let 'em live" is even worse. When a factory churns out highway signs like this, you know some department had a committee who green-lighted the idea. The government may have even hired a company to come up with that. But that's baseless speculation. Well, based on a hunch. ANYway, I just can't stand it. It's as if we are all going to be on the interstate, weaving and veering off onto the shoulder at 70-80 mph, MAYbe even speed up when we see highway workers. BUT, we see the sign. And it speaks to us on our level. It's not using the haughty "them," oh no! Now THAT would just make me more angry and my driving more erratic and aggressive. But this message is so familiar, so blue-collar, I feel as if my father or brother or a good friend is asking me to spare these workers' lives. Well, for Pete's sake, I will let 'ya live. Go home to that beautiful family, tuck in lil' Chrissy for me. But get on back here at 4:30 am, 'cuz I need this grass mowed, ya' hear?

"They" (same people, I'm sure) also did this same thing at the Post Office. I'd cringe every time I looked at the wall with the stamps. Above the Breast Cancer Awareness stamps was a sign: "Give 'em a hand." I'm heading over to the "Great African-American Composers" section, but no, the Post Office (read: government) wants me to feel bad about THAT purchase, "come on, lady, what's the matter, do you think your breasts' shit don't stink? Give 'em a hand."

Durffff, durrffff, durffff.

I DID want to post this here. It takes you to a site where there's always an adorable picture of some domesticated animal with a big "click here" button underneath it. Do that. Click there. Then it takes you to a page with lots of links on it, and when you scroll down, there are more pretty shiny "click here" buttons to click. Do that. There are sites for causes from child literacy to the rainforest---I think 7 in all?
And if you click on the breast cancer site button (It's PINK, for GIRLS!),
right now-- for probably a limited time because the pictures change--you
can see a drawing of people walking and the woman looks like she
peed in her pants.
Hurry, so you can SEE! (...I think it's gone now, but check back often)

My point on this is that it apparently IS a legitimate and incredibly easy way to help these chairites. says:
You can help disadvantaged women in America obtain free mammograms simply by clicking a button on a web site.

Status: True.

Follow the link and it states the same for the animal rescue, hunger, child health and child literacy sites, which all conveniently have links located on that same site. I put the link up in my Mozilla toolbar thingee so the icon is right at the top of my screen every day. Aren't I something?

One last thing about this site, it has ads/links for fair trade sites, with lots of very cool (some very stupid) stuff, gift items and whatnot, so if you do buy things on the web for Christmas/Birthdays consider these sites. The certified Fair Trade items are marked as so. I think the official name is and Something like that. And that's cool.
I think you should also buy Fair Trade Coffee. Hey, let 'em live, better. It has this symbol:

But I've also seen this symbol used:

Let me go and think about what else I think you should do, while you go and think of the consequences of NOT doing these things.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

"Booger" -- it'snot what you think it is.

Somewhere along the line, "title" became synonymous with pun-laden horse crap.
Booger, though, ok, it's the name of a short film I just played a small role in last weekend. Some guys who work for Turner in production (director and asst. director), Ken Horstmann and Greg Daniels of Out of the Cage Productions wrote this with another guy whose name I just don't know. Sorry guy! *EDIT NOTE: "guy's" name is Butch Siebert. * The story follows the path of a ....booger from Brian Bannon's nose through an office during the day's work. In my little scene, I'm a mousy cat-lady-type named Katie, walking down the hallway with a load of papers. I round a corner blindly and collide with a guy I've had a crush on (out of my league-hunky-type, supposedly, played by West Cummings), papers go everywhere. I think I turned this into a Mr. Bean sketch. I tend to be a little over-the-top on camera....

When he bends down to help me pick up the papers, the booger--which he unknowingly picked up on the bottom of his shoe in the bathroom--is transferred to one of my papers, unbeknownst to me. I head to my cubicle, cherish the thought of him once more, then put papers down, notice said booger, screech, grab tissue, pick it up and shoot it to trash can, then do something Jerry Lewis-esque with my face,
I'm sure. The booger then heads off, I imagine, on some adventure with the janitor
who empties the trash can. And so on. Dan's in it, too. I'll be interested to
see the finished product.

If I get a clip or so online (it's not even finished shooting I don't think)
I'll put it on here, for funsies. It's a silly premise, but they are really good guys
to work for. Matt Stanton, this Ken guy is the guy who directed your Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle thing--you may not like him for that reason, though.... But he's so nice! Let me know if you don't want this picture here, by the way....

Omaha boosters have a new slogan - "O!" Seriously, the slogan is "O!" ...Rare to find such cleverness....well done!

Ever been to Nebraska? Yeah, me neither.
Oddly enough, one of the ONLY commercial jobs I've booked recently was for a job in "O!"maha. Specifically the Nebraska Medical Center.

It's where they make credit cards. And it's the home of Omaha Steaks. "O!"maha, that is, not the Nebraska Medical Center. It's full of meat. And corn, that they feed the cows for the meat. Corn that is not the grasses or hay that cows need, the grasses for which they have an evolved ORGAN (the rumen) to turn the grasses into protein. This corn, fucking cornhuskers, tears up this rumen, nature's fermentation tank, and causes infection, sickness, deformity, and sometimes death. Then we have to give them antibiotics to treat the infections which they only have because of what we feed them. But, you're right, corn's cheaper and easier to transport. So anyway, whatever, let's get back to my COMMERCIAL!

You may think, "ohhhh, they prollly don't have many actors in Nebraska." You'd prollly be right. But, that's not the reason to cast from far away states, so says Anne Luchsinger--makeup/hair/wardrobe artist, who also is a former model, and current professional photographer, talent agent, wife and mom. She says there are a number (relative to the population and to the number of actors in cities like Atlanta and Chicago) of good local actors, but not enough to spread the work'd see the same people over and over in tv ads, on billboards, in magazines, and conflicts would arise between companies/brands. ...I don't know if I believe that totally, but....

Regardless, I was glad for the job, cuz it paid pretty damn good for one day's work and I'm flat broke.

The flight out was on one of the smaller Delta Connection planes. I got the last row, the inside seat. It was loud, cramped and hot, but on the other hand, it was right by the bathroom..... These are the only seats on the plane that don't recline, even the couple inches that the others get, because the shitter's right behind us. Almost comically, me and the guy sitting next to me probably have THE longest legs of anyone on the flight. He's about 25 or so, from "O!"maha, grew up there, went to college at NU, but now works 2 weeks out of each month in D.C as a HVAC project manager on construction we had LOTS to talk about! ....... He comes home those other 2 weeks of the month. He really likes "O!"maha. But then says he's glad to be able to get out of town cuz he sees his friends who stayed there and got married and now are "stuck." But then he was picked up from the airport by what seemed to be a local honey. Hmmmm. And he says he doesn't like D.C. cuz it's too big of a town for him. ...Hmmm, Howsabout we talk about ME! So we do, and understandably he can't quite comprehend what I do, especially in Atlanta--I figure I give him the Aqua Teen Hunger Force stuff so at least there's something he's heard of. Nope, nothing. So I ask him if Nebraska's a "big Bush state." He giggles, I say, "Hey, maybe you guys should put that on your license plates, it'll probably boost your tourism. Or maybe do the exact opposite. It's a personal thing, I guess." He giggles, says, "I can't wait to tell my friends you just said that."

A couple people I met on the commercial set, the ones with families, seemed to like living there. Everyone else seemed to want to qualify their living there to me and the other actor, and excuse it for one reason or another. The guy who will be acting in the ad with me they cast out of Chicago! Just from one audition on one tape, they're flying people across the country. Amazing. The expenditure, not the actor.
Although I'm sure he's a fine actor, seemed to do mostly theatre. Nice enough, guy. Reminded me of Joe K. a little. Not quite as...dramatic. This, with the picture, reads as if Joe is gay, he is not. Just...dramatic. Hope Joe don't likes ta read the blogs!

The Chicago guy's name is James Foster--side note: Dan's sister, Jody, just married a guy in Chicago named Jim Foster. Not the same guy. But another side note: Dan's sister's name is now Jody Foster.

The place they set us up in was NICE. Not ritzy, but lodgy. Awesome. Went to a steak house that first night we got there---yeah, I know, nice boycott Mary--- and both our hostess (me: Are you from "O!"maha? hostess: "Me? Oh GOD no. I'm from Toronto.) and the waiter (somewhat gay sounding: "Look, the only reason I'm here is because I followed my ex-wife here, and now I have to stay til my son's 18, which is in 1 and a half years, then I'll be back in New Mexico so fast your head'll spin") seemed to loathe Nebraska. The waiter did point us towards the casinos (which are illegal in Nebraska, but are just miles away from "O!"maha a couple feet across the border in Iowa). And he told us to go down to the river. I ask, "what river is that?" Even he looks annoyed. He looks at me, waits a couple beats...."the Missouri?"

I think I actually said, "Duh!" ....Who's the yokel, now?